His memory is incredible and he thinks differently than your average 4 year old...The behavior issues are incredibly stressful for our entire family. He seems highly intelligent, but also has some extreme sensory needs and is very defensive/angry a lot. When he is in his realm though, he exceeds all of his peers in problem solving, logic and reasoning skills. A new doctor who specializes in kids on the spectrum did feel that after observing him that he does have some definite aspergers traits...looping conversations around to always be things he is interested in..perseverating on particular topics etc. He is incredibly hyperactive also, VERY impulsive...defensive...stubborn. The doctor also saw some traits of ADHD as well...Just incredibly trying for us as parents.
I have one of those and BTDT. DS12 has ASD with side helping of ADHD and is also PG.
Gifted kids with ASD are often misdiagnosed as not having ASD because their language skills can be exceptionally good. DS's verbal IQ is off the charts high-- which makes him not seem like typical Asperger's at all.
I guess my questions are for those with children with aspergers, and/or ADHD and giftedness , how did they present as 4 year olds?
A lot like yours. When little girls came running up to me in the preschool to tell me (in an accusatory way) "what DS did today" I never knew whether it was going to be filling a whiteboard with math or biting someone. Or both.
Any tips or things that helped manage the meltdowns, emotional highs and lows, impulsive behavior/sensory seeking behavior?
Develop a zen-like calm. If you get riled, things will spiral more. Continue to teach him even in those moments that feel like a crisis.
Develop a sense of precisely what lessons and skills you want him to learn, and incentivize that like crazy. Break skills down into small steps as needed, and teach the steps.
Do not shy away from meltdown-inducing situations: teach him to tolerate the triggers.
Explicitly teach things that other kids seem to know ("no, we don't hit babies, here is how you touch a baby").
How were you able to bring out the gifted side that you know is there? I feel that aspergers (if he indeed has it) is getting in the way of his giftedness...he gets stuck.
We did ABA therapy, which is tailored to the individual (and could therefore take advantage of the fact that gifted kids learn really, really fast).
As we got his reactivity and temper more under control (therapy and meds combined) it was obvious to everyone that the giftedness was a huge piece of the puzzle.
How are these children doing later on into elementary school and beyond? He has social difficulties already...do they do ok academically? Can they function in life? It's so hard to imagine him being a rational well behaved child one day...just hoping we get there. Obviously some of this behavior may be typical 4 year old behavior but I feel he takes everything to the extreme.
I think preschool through early elementary is the hardest period with a child like this.
This is DS12's best year at school ever and I expect things to continue to improve. He has really serious organizational issues, but every year his behavior has improved. He is getting along with people pretty well. He is loved by his teachers (he learns and is enthusiastic).
Our expectation is that he will continue to be a person who makes conspicuous mistakes, but at least he's learned to apologize really, really well. There are glimmers that he'll be a socially conscious, fair-minded adult with a full capacity for empathy and an excellent sense of humor. Work ethic remains to be seen, but he's 12!
Some of his perseverative interests are academic. That makes a difference, too.
The doctor is sending us for a psych consult in the next couple of months to hopefully get a diagnosis so we can better understand him. I want them to do IQ and giftedness testing also but not sure if they will do that right away or have to send him somewhere else after...
I would recommend a neuropsychologist for this, preferably one at a children's hospital autism center or somewhere else where they've seen thousands of kids on the spectrum. That is where you will get the finest-grained reading on where he is.
IQ and achievement testing should be part of that workup. Note that kids with social skills issues often get wonky scores on these tests when they are young. If you remediate the ASD, the scores typically become more coherent and go up.
The experts who diagnosed him simply state that: ASD is the best diagnosis to explain his current difficulties. The diagnosis will get him the therapies he needs right now.
This is useful advice. Ours is very clearly ASD (loved spinning objects at age 6 mos.) What the dx got us was a genius case supervisor who made school really effective for DS so that the could learn throughout his day, every day. And who trained us to be the ninja parents DS needed. Couldn't have done this as well without him. A dx is just a tool.
DS is also happier since dx. Before he thought he was a badly behaved child, and he felt terrible about himself. After dx, he understood that "it's not his fault, but it's his challenge" to manage his behavior in accord with social norms. He likes who he is.
DeeDee
