just re the to tell/not tell what the test was for etc, what worked for us was telling DD4 that most schools were made for square pegs, some were for circle pegs and there were some for triangle pegs. She figured out she wasn't a square peg on her own, the test was to see if she was a triangle or a circle. We explained to her that even though she's a triangle she'll be going a square school because there aren't enough triangles to make a whole school in our town, BUT there are some very special teachers who can help triangles and squares at the same time.

It helped with the yes you're different but no better / worse issue