Dear Madoosa,
I totally get it! And I wish someone had told ME it would be all right. I really, really think it will be. My dc's are in high school now. We went through the whole wringer of public school #1, public school #2, homeschool and now an online school/homeschool hybrid, which works for us, but we are constantly having to raise the bar. Gifted kids do tend to outstrip the standard stuff in stunning fashion, but -- if you can! :-) -- try to enjoy it. My kids aren't as mathy as yours, but they read fluently (entirely self-taught) by age 3. I had a second-grader reading OLIVER TWIST (and a teacher trying to take it away).
The loneliness -- not be able to share what your kids can do or talk through your mixture of pride and concern -- is real and lasting. And what is hard is to see some of that loneliness in the dc's. They occasionally find their people, but often there just aren't any around. I tell them to wait till graduate school! :-)
The parental time commitment, too, is stunning, and it takes awhile to come to terms with. I never, ever thought I would homeschool. But I am. In time, they will go to college, and I won't do it anymore. Gradually, I've come to terms with it as a privilege to work with these dc's -- and, as you say, to meet their needs.
But I totally get the panic, and I hope some sympathy/empathy helps a little.
On the testing point. We had them tested primarily to silence our critics (inside and outside the family) who thought that we were doing the dc's a disservice by homeschooling. Because "homeschooling couldn't possibly hold a candle to the excellent public and private schools their kids attend!" DCs' admissions to national gifted programs (Duke TIP, CTY) with 99% scores were very helpful on this. But I still do standardized testing once a year for the same reason -- so they can't say that even though the kids are bright they aren't at grade level. (!!!! How about three grades above plus???!!!)
I don't ever offer these scores unless attacked, BTW. :-)
