Martie,
I do have some suggestions for the DH thing.
One - leave the two of them alone together for a whole weekend about every 4-6 weeks. After about a year, DH will start moving in your direction.
Two - put your foot down, also, right on top of his, preferable while wearing some serious shoes, and insist that DH either do the legwork on the grade skip or leave the driving to you. Tell him to "be a man, not a baby" about it if nescessary.
Three - arrange for a series of Daddy chaproned playdates with some nice normal agemates.
Four - if your husband know how to play chess, or is willing to learn, suggest that DH teach DS how to play, and that they attend some age-based chess matches. This could backfire, but might be fun anyway.
Five - Learn how to pitch your voice low and utter short commands. Use when nescessary. Develop matching body language.
Marriage is a partnership - and also a power struggle, sorry. I believe that one of the differences between smart and gifted is the integrity to follow your observations to their logical conclusion no matter how unpleasent they may be. I've never seen anyone write about this, but lets face it - being smart isn't in and of itself an interpersonal problem - but consistiently sticking to one's guns is.
Best Wishes,
Trinity
