I don't think that I
ever went out with anyone my own age. My first spouse was someone that I met when I was fifteen. He was 22.
But what I mean by that is that I am mentally better prepared to 'guide' my DD through what can be some very rocky waters.
You sound like my cousin who married her high school band teacher.
Things sure were different back in the late 1990s then they are today, that's for sure.
Heeeee.... well, this was a lot longer ago than THAT. I was first married back in the late 80's.
In all fairness to the ex, the age difference wasn't the problem-- it ultimately didn't work out because he had no intention of ever growing up, which I sort of wish I'd realized before we got married. Plenty of disingenuous/naive behavior there to go around, though. His parents LOVED me-- because even at 18, I was a lot more responsible and mature than
he was. KWIM? I think that my grandmother summed it up nicely when she pointed out why Spouse 2.0 was better for me than the beta version... "I always thought that {name} was such a nice
boy. But he wasn't for you." (Bearing in mind that the person she was referring to had been 26 years old when we married).
There was
never an inappropriate power/status differential between the two of us, though. He was hardly a pedophile. He actually thought that I was more like 18-19 when we met. In any event, my current spouse is also five years my senior. However, this is not a very big gap when you're talking about people in their mid 20's and beyond. BIG difference when the person(s) in question is/are under 16.
I do think that any kind of power/status differential between relationship participants is more concerning than age difference,
per se. That power differential or any whiff of manipulative behavior is what raises red flags, IMO.
It's just that in teens, the two things tend to be yoked together. An older partner can drive, may be able to do other things restricted to those over 16, 18, or 21 years of age... etc. Power/status is greater.
I've obviously given this a lot of thought over the past year. We've known that it was coming eventually.
