That really is good advice for younger kids, Dude-- or for those who haven't gotten a grasp on the grey areas of "must" and "should" in terms of responsibilities and obligations.
I
must obey traffic laws. I
should keep my promise to my friend, even if it isn't convenient to me.
So, that's the tricky part... how to tell your DD that you've accepted a whole set of obligations beyond staying out of jail. In our case, we've kept it simple... my DD7 has no idea which rights are protected by law, and which aren't. If your DD has already thought beyond that, your job there is tougher. Most parents attempt to skate by with the tried and trite: "because I love you," or "it's for your own good." But obviously that's not enough for a gifted kid (I'm not convinced it's enough for any kid, honestly).
I've had one that thought "past" that point since she was pretty young. I'm not sure why, or if it has anything to do with her areas/LOG-- it may have more to do with having a hidden disability that can be impacted by others who don't follow the rules. Probably there is some sort of synergy at work there. She has been
brutally disappointed by the selfishness even of those who (supposedly) love her, like extended family; she was certainly aware of this kind of behavior's potential to wound others by the time she was four.
At any rate, we've frequently use Swiftian methodology to process decision-making as a "thought experiment" and follow natural consequences as they ripple outward.
Selfish choices are sometimes okay, but usually not when they have the potential to hurt others. Be the person that you want
others to be.
That's the only moralizing that we tend to do in such matters, and for her, that seems to be sufficient. I suspect that a grasp like this may only be accomplished via being on the recieving end of human pettiness and self-serving behavior enough (something that most 3-5yo children have-- thankfully-- not got a lot of experience with).
Having these kinds of overt discussions about what it means to be a
good person really makes a difference during adolescence, we're finding. My DD may not have been inclined to play girl-bullying games to start with (probably not) but she's fairly nuanced now at defusing the behavior in her peer group, too.
