I have ordered the transforming the difficult child workbook, but I didn't know about the reward system.
I also don't believe that reward systems are ideal long-term, because the reward always needs to get bigger to have the same impact. It also means that you are creating false consequences for actions, as opposed to your child learning to make their own choices and accept the natural consequences that life offers for this. This way also gives the child the space to practice making choices and learning from their mistakes, which is something that my perfectionist control freak really is struggling with - but he is thriving with this approach. It's a lot harder and longer this way round, but I am seeing results slowly but surely that let me know my child is starting to consider possibilities before doing, that he is starting to recognise real life consequences without me imposing on his ability to choose for himself.
I do agree with the idea of not energising negative situations though - yelling, shouting, screaming, emotionally charged verbalising is not helpful, nor does it engender learning or co-operative behaviour. It also doesn't demonstrate the behaviours that you want your child to internalise and do - our example is more powerful than our words.
I look forward to getting the workbook and working through the rest of it.
