But isn't that what their future holds? "Performing" is expected throughout life. I have to wonder if our job as parents in this case includes teaching them that even if it's annoying to answer once again, they must do so when asked.
Oh yes, I agree. But I think it's incredibly overwhelming if your ability to perform is all anyone sees in you - normal kids are more likely (I feel) to be viewed as a whole package. They're valued as friends, their class contribution is valued on the basis of effort than accuracy, expectations placed on them are realistic. Some failure is expected and so you can risk putting yourself out there. Your behaviour is just your behaviour, it's less likely to be seen as related to your label. People expect GT kids to be right all the time, sometimes the kids don't really understand what is being asked of them, if they are being asked in a public setting there can be (or at least they might perceive there to be) social consequences and so on (as is a common example, dd refused to read to me in preschool in case any other kids noticed).
(of course I am making massive generalizations here)
I didn't mean to explain it away as 'unfixable' and therefore to just leave it. I'm just talking about where I think it comes from. I think it is one of the reasons finding the right setting is so important, as well as taking other steps to help build resilience and reduce perfectionism. I think it will be a slow process for dd and if I'm honest sometimes I feel really frustrated when it happens - which I am aware just places more pressure on dd. But my frustration is invariably because her lack of response shows me up or makes me feel embarrassed because of how I might be perceived as a result of her lack of performance - I don't presume to assume that it is the same for you - but for me, I find that knowing that all those factors play in to it in our case helps me put it in to some perspective.
I am hoping that as time goes by, that as we slowly get the accommodations dd needs, that as dd has more opportunities to discover that not perfect is ok and that speaking up will likely pay off more often than not, that we will - over time - get somewhere. Your son is very young. There is lots of time to learn to perform - but I feel they need know it's safe to do so and ultimately to find that safety from some intrinsic source. How exactly one reaches that point, I don't know. And let's face it - there are lots of ways to perform in life that having nothing to do with being able to respond well to verbal quizzing.
In terms of getting teachers to see, that it where I've always found a portfolio of work to be really useful. And by knowing that dd won't necessarily demonstrate her abilities I plan for that in my advocacy. Is he generally introverted? Googling some stuff on introversion might be helpful too - there are may ways in which the traits of introversion (not responding well to being put on the spot is one of them) are positives.
It is frustrating and I absolutely know how you feel - especially when you're trying to get accommodations or support from others. Good luck! And thanks for the thread - it's helped my think through my own thoughts on our own situation!
