Some great points here. The most important thing for a child who is having serious social problems, gifted or not, is getting help and treatment from knowledgeable, loving professionals and understanding from family and friends. I remember when my DS6 was 2, first getting him formally diagnosed, and hearing the diagnostician say that our boy would probably "diverge" behaviorally over time until he would no longer be diagnosable. That was tremendously exciting and a relief for me, for several months.
I realize now that the more important thing he told us was that we were doing everything right in terms of interventions for him...my wife had quickly figured out that if he needed help, it didn't matter what the exact diagnosis was, since the same therapies were going to help him, no matter what we called it. It was also easier because we'd figured out about his PG about 3 months before we started to accept the ASD--he'd started reading at 21 months.
In the end, your kid is just YOUR KID. One of the best things I think we've done for our DS6 is that we recognize every one of his traits--from his incredible memory, his love of puns, his affectionate nature, his indomitable stubbornness, his mercurial temper, hi irrepressible silliness--as being traits that came down the genetic line through us. This is unquestionably our boy, and as I tell him regularly, if I could scour the earth and examine every child in it down to the wet behind their ears, in the end, I would choose HIM, because I couldn't be prouder of him. He is a reflection of my deepest hopes, my deepest worries, and my wildest dreams.
As to the "label" of AS or ASD, it can be a tremendous ally, because it should qualify your child for invaluable therapies that otherwise might not sometimes be available. There's a great book worth reading called "Unstrange Minds", which is about demystifying autism, the stereotypes, and the myths (such as that there is an "epidemic" of it). One of the professionals in it makes a comment that stuck with me: "I'll call a kid a zebra if it will get him treatment."
It doesn't matter whether he's white with black stripes, or black with white stripes. In the end, your kid is just your kid. You have to just do your homework, advocate, and love, love, love.
We have profoundly gifted kids. "Different Minds", also an excellent book, makes another key point -- PG kids with AS are DIFFERENT from PG kids without AS, and they're DIFFERENT from AS kids who aren't PG. They're a whole other variety of zebra, and the labels are much more slippery. But we're very lucky parents, and our road is much easier than some.
