Hi IslandofApples,
You are not alone and you ARE doing the best you can. I have written my fair share of these kinds of threads over the years.
When my first son was born I felt like I had been hit by a tonne of bricks. Friends with newborns were stressed, sure, but they didn't seem so out of it as I was. They still seemed to have a clue what they were doing. Me? I could even remember what day of the week it was.
As you know I had Monti and Stiener leanings, and I have to say I have changed my tune a bit, because I just don't have children who will play that way. It was really, really hard to let go of my ideals and just get to the child in front of me, especially when I read what other people were doing and I thought it was me. Here is the most important thing in this whole post: IT ISN'T YOU!
Three children later and I'm still posting those threads sometimes, lol. About every 6 months, I realise my children are not doing what I thought they were up to, and I am the worst mother ever again.
My children own a lot of toys! Every so often I think its because they have too many things that they won't play like the children in those lovely childcare books, but when I really look at it, and I see a child whose brain has just figured out the possibilities of those things. Really they have! They NEED those new things. So I try to balance it by having lots of toys, but rotating them so that there are always new things, but not too much out at once.
As soon as they are walking or crawling I childproof as much of the house as humanly possible and let them go for it. Imagine if you were only ever allowed to be in one room
I try to seal every drawer and cupboard except those I'm willing to put back 20 times a day! Yes it's annoying, but not as annoying as the alternative.
Get out as much as possible, it really is hard work, but it does help.
Borrow books from the library about toddler activities - don't buy, you won't use them enough. There are plenty of quick and easy toys or craft you can make out of a paper plate or whatever.
Get toys secondhand. Go to garage sales, etc. Anything that looks appealing get. If you don't spend too much, you won't feel bad if they don't use it. I think of how much babysitting is. If the toy will cost less per hour of likely play than a babysitter, I buy it.
It's okay to have days when the goal is survival, by whatever means necessary. A day when everyone (including me) arrives at the other end without major, lasting, psychological damage is a good day
I'm only half joking.
The thing is, you have probably done the absolute best you can to look at all the research, to work out what the best thing to do with your daughter is. And that is to be commended. But all of that research wasn't about kids like ours. It won't translate perfectly. It sucks, but to a certain extent, we are on our own in figuring out what is going to work.
Last piece of advice - chocolate is your friend.
