Some examples:
� Warned DS ahead of time that it�s bedtime after one last book. When it�s time, he tried to hit DH. DH told him to go to bed, and he had a crying fit.
I'd go with prevention first if you haven't done it already. The same number of books each night. A routine chart on the wall with a picture of the routine - picture of toothbrush, picture of PJs, picture of two books, etc. The more it is routine the more he will know what to expect. Try to start the routine early enough that he's not overtired.
In response to the hit, I'd encourage daddy to say "hitting hurts, gentle touches please" and offer him a chance to do over. I would also really encourage acknowledging his feelings "it is hard when you are tired."
At some point with a two year old I would acknowledge in your head when they are that tired all bets are off. They certainly aren't going to learn anything when they are in that state of exhaustion and big negative reactions from you may just be throwing fuel on the fire. Same goes when he's bawling from apologizing that's a sure sign he's upset and he's not learning from it. He might have about as much control over that as he'd have over throwing up.
� After telling DS not to suck on his thumb, he tried to hit me. I told him to apologize, and he did and cried.
The thumb is a huge source of comfort. Think about what you find most comforting - perhaps cuddling with your husband or baby? If somebody just came in and told you to stop it how much you react? Sure you probably wouldn't hit someone because you are a grown up, but what if you were two?
I'd start by really thinking through this decision. Does the thumb have to go? Why? What is it worth to you? The difficulty with stopping the thumb is that unless he sleeps in your bed and you are going to remain vigilant staying up all night he's likely still going to do it. So, what has really been accomplished by setting a limit that you can't stick with? Is there an alternative?
What we did around that age with the pacifier was to make a rule it only allowed in two places - bed or the calm down spot. That allowed the child to keep the comfort source but made it clear there was a time and place for it. It was really helpful in our situation in encouraging the child to develop a habit of taking a break when he was overwhelmed (instead of hitting or having a meltdown).
If you wanted to go with that plan I'd present it as a cheerful thing having him help you create a calm spot (maybe a bean bag chair, a stuffed toy, blanket, books or whatever) and then when the thumb goes in the mouth you can cheerfully say "Looks like you need to calm down, where's your spot?" That way you aren't running the risk he's talking with it in his mouth but he's still getting the comfort he needs and he's starting to learn other ways to self comfort too.
In time that can transition to losing the thumb if you need to.
Those are just a few ideas, take what makes sense leave the rest.
