And I think, even though she was 3, it wasn't a matter of needing opportunities to try again, as she doesn't run into boys with one arm except this one since. Perhaps your son is an exception, my daughter needed the explanation and the forced apology.
Ren
I can't say I fully understand the one arm incident. Maybe she was intentionally hurtful or nasty (most three year olds tend to be pretty nice people, just often clueless about exactly how to do it).
However, it is very easy for me to imagine many three year olds may make a comment about of ignorance or even out of a mistaken desire to be helpful and I'm not sure in either of those situations it is useful to force an apology. I know as a parent of a child with disabilities, if the comment was just insensitive "hey what's wrong with that kid's arm?" the forced apology would be make the situation worse not better. It is the hush-hush, it is too horrible to even speak of thing that is frankly harder to take. If it is just a matter of a young child saying something "that lady is so fat" "what is wrong with that man's legs?" I do not feel forced apologies are appropriate or helpful. Rather, I think kids benefit much more from an honest conversation about differences, when it is hurtful to point them out, and how it is appropriate to acknowledge them.
As far as knowing your child needs to be forced to apologize, I don't buy it. The many parents who modeled but did not force apologizes, who have kids who naturally developed the ability to apologize can authoritatively say their kids didn't need to be forced. Really, you can't say that your kid did because you didn't try the alternative.
