Please help. �Not to sound desperate. �
I wanted to post on this last night but I got busy. �I'm so eager to say what's bothering me I can't even read all the other posts first. Usually I read the whole thread first. �But this subject is why I first posted on gifted forums to start with, trying to get a grip.
Mine pre-schooler wants to be alpha too. �What else were we expecting when, as the hubby puts it I'm stubborn and my husband's persistent? �Two alphas and a mini me alpha. �It's really showing now with the new baby here. �Started with the nurtured heart approach. �It's a long term goal because it's really self control big enough that it controls the outcome. �Been listening to the dog whisperer about pack mentality and how to calmly claim alpha.�
Besides that what's bothering me is the boy's stubbornness can combine with the right choices and really cause problems IIRC. �I've mentioned if I thought my kid wasn't so gifted I would worry more about teaching him right from wrong. �Maybe I'll dig up the thread later to show how really worried I am. �Last year I mentioned that other two year olds are destructive, mine was a picture straightner. �(eta, he's still got some terrible toddler behavior now and then so he's got normal behavior, he's just got these other tendencies in addition to, and kind of disproportionate). When he was one and could barely talk he would make sure I had my keys, cellphone, and purse before I walked out of the door. �We call him Mr. Observation, that's been his most precocious trait. �IIrc from my childhood adults encourage this "right choices". �And this kid will rarely get in trouble, but any time they do it's suddenly such a big deal. � Then you got a kid who "doesn't listen" and a bunch of adults who doesn't know what to do about it. �
Example. �I recently put 2 boxes of cereal on the table. �I left the cabinet open (planning to pour the bowls and put them back). �The boy tried to close my cabinets. I told him "don't close them, go sit down at the table". �No, the cabinets have to be closed. �The hubby, "Wyatt, listen to your mother.". Starting to cry, "no. The cabinets have to be closed". A good mother would have realized my son was agonizing over his perplexity and explained that I wanted the cabinet open because I was going to put the boxes back. �An authoritative father would expect that his child could handle a simple request like, "go eat cereal, it's not your job to worry" without crying. �I know I tell him stuff, explain stuff most people don't tell three year olds. �And the hubby does too. �Some people think saying, "you'll find out when you're older" makes a better childhood. �The hubby says and I agree, if the boy's old enough to ask a quiestion he's old enough to hear the answer. �(At worst he'll learn not to ask quiestions he doesn't want to hear the answer to). But he has to accept sometimes the 3 year old is not in charge of everything. �"It's not yours, don't touch it" is one of my three house rules. �(it's not yours, don't touch it) (use a normal voice) (don't break everything). �It kind of applies. �So what do I do with this? �It created bad memories of my childhood, teaching me you really can't break this kind of stubbornness. �
http://life.familyeducation.com/aspergers/behavior/40203.htmlI've never heard of anyone in my family having autism or aspbergers so I'm not saying that. �But this description is a good description of a similar gifted trait. �Problem is their proposed solution is to always give reasons, well, that will exhasperbate the over-reaction when it happens now and then IRL, and sometimes when I'm not there too.
Any advice besides "don't worry" "quit parenting from a place of fear" or "don't borrow trouble"? �Or am I wrong and I need to have a little faith and quit seeking understanding? �Uh, yeah. �That's not going to happen. �The only handle I have on my own inner logic boy is profound patience and an idea of "simmering on the back burner" being an option. �
