what do you do for the sensitive (but brutish) gt girl who wont allow you to brush or comb her hair without a HUGE fuss? or, if she refuses to 'allow' barrettes or pony tail holders, same huge fuss, what then? Apparently they are not 'cool'. SHES FOUR!! I don't want to go short, but I don't want her to look like a rat's nest all the time.
Oh, and on the brutish part, we usually get tons of compliments on dd4's behavior at school, but then she can be really unbearable/loud/aggressive at home. Is this coming up for other folks, and how are you handling it?
BTDT! Man, it's hard! But, I do remember as a kid how sensitive my head was, so her distress is real, albeit dramatic! Invest in detangling spray, and maybe even a glossing spray to help tame her hair after it's brushed (I found one for just a couple of dollars at Wal-Mart). Offer to spray it on her hair or let her attempt to spray it, and then let her brush it out first before you "check" it. That way when you brush it, it won't hurt as much (assuming she got out most of the tangles!) and
you won't get blamed for the pain she's feeling. Get lots of different types of headbands because she can put these in herself (and they have a bunch of different kinds, from elastic thick or thin to hard plastic to embellished with every type of ribbon and flower imaginable). Also, offer her a choice of whether she puts in a headband or you put her hair up in a mary jane or pony tale or braid. As far as cool goes, I've been seeing a ton of headbands lately made for adults, so maybe an adult headband might be a little cooler than a little girl one (I always wanted to be more grown up when I was little). We have a lot of problems here with chlorine from swimming, and it seems to make a huge difference if we make sure her hair is properly cleaned and conditioned by adult products. I agree, though, that it can make it easier to go shorter. Maybe you can talk to her a bit about how she can have long hair or shorter hair and what the ramifications are of each. I happen to be a fan of the chin-length bobs a lot of girls are wearing now -- so cute!
ETA: DD8 has hair that can be washed and conditioned every night but she still wakes up with it tangled. Also, she can brush her hair in the morning, but if nothing else is done to it, it will look like a rats nest 30 minutes later. So, while other people are able to not let hair be a point of contention, I get it if that is not the case for you. However, I totally agree to let it slide if possible to avoid it becoming a battle-ground. I wish!
Oh, and DD8 also is impeccably behaved in public but can be emotional at home. Honestly, I'm just glad it's not the opposite!
Really, though, I take it as a sign that she feels safe enough at home to feel all her emotions. And, since she's not in public, it's really not that big a deal to let her cry it out if she wants to. My only rule at home is that, while she can feel whatever way that she wants to and cry all she wants, if she's being loud and disturbing the rest of the family, she has to go into her room to do it.
