BTW, I better start referring to dd as 4 now...wanted to update this thread to state that I did have a somewhat productive conversation with the director. She is a nice person, well meaning to be sure.
I brought my list of questions, and said I thought that I had some valid questions and a request that dd be observed but that those questions hadn't been addressed and that all I heard was that 3 yr olds can't be in K (trying to be nice, I swear!
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She stated they don't really have a written policy but Dec 31 has been a traditional cut off for kids in K. She said they'd made only 1 exception for a girl who was fully reading (at least they didn't just stop even that child, and in fact said that girl probably should really have gone to first, so that seemed like a ray of hope)
Further 'good-ish' news, she did say a couple things, one that dd is 'very articulate and clearly gifted in language' although I don't know if she was just stroking my ego/understands what I think of when I hear 'gifted'. Anyway, I agreed that I think dd does have great verbal language skills, the way she picks up words in every language she hears, and really pays attention is wonderful. But I said I know there are other aspects to look at and those are where I hoped someone could take a look, have a chat with her, etc.
She said they don't do formal assessments, which I figured on, but they would have the K teacher chat with her, after all. I thought this would be a good point at which to discuss whether if they were feeling ok about dd but still unsure in principal/based on experience, if some outside testing would make sense or help. She did agree that it would probably make sense to have some testing before getting to K, if the rest of the family is id'd as gt...kind of makes my stomach hurt thinking about "testing a 4 year old", but I am considering it.
She is definitely making no promises, but at least I can get an opinion from the K teacher that might be helpful to me.
Feeling ok about this chat, I think she is not bs'ing me, and did say she'd give me some curriculum info, and that preschool '2' would be different than '1', if dd sticks with that route.
Visiting the other school maybe tuesday...