Dee Dee,

I went through the same thing raising my ADHD son. This is very hard and you have my sympathy. Just remember, you will get through this and so will your son. Never give up on him; you will find that as you and he progress through this that you will need to keep adjusting strategies as he gets older. I checked out about 10 books on ADHD and read them all once he was diagnosed. They all had some good recommendations and I tried to remember the advice and apply it to my parenting style. It was hard at first because I was raised in a disciplinarian style and kept wanting to revert to punishment methods. These methods do not work for ADHD kids... You probably already know that by now.


Here is what I found effective:
1. One of the biggest things I did that had positive impact on the tantrums was a result of reading that ADHD kids have extreme difficulty transitioning from one activity to another.

2. It is best to stay with routines to help lower their stress at changes.

3. Carefully review your daily plans and discuss your plans with your son. Explain how the day will be different from usual and what your expectation is for his behavior for that situation/ event.

4. After explaining your expectations or what are socially acceptable ways of behaving for that situation, try to think of a reward you could give him if he follows your directions. For ADHD kids, immediate (same day) positive reinforcement works and delayed rewards are not generally effective.

For example: �Tomorrow we will visit Grandpa for dinner. They usually eat later in the day. There will be adults at the table. We expect best table manners. Best table manners mean ��..�

Reward: should happen same day- stop and get baseball cards on the way home or have friend over for popsicles before bedtime, etc... It is good to involve your child in setting the reward so that the reward is something that they really want.

In addition to talking to your son about changes in schedule before the day starts, it is also important to give notice to your son in advance of imminent changes in activities. For example, tell him that bedtime is in 15 minutes, he can play with friend or at park for 15 more minutes, etc.. When ADHD kids are advised of this shortly before the change, they are better able to handle the change without tantrums.

The other major thing I did with my son during his early years was to set a weekly goal for behavior/ manners, etc. I would explain to him why that goal was important and that I wanted him to work on it that week. I would then try to find several ways to reinforce that goal with activities and also give him a reward for meeting that behavior expectation. By working on one goal all week (for example- sharing), he seemed to gain mastery of that skill.

Good luck! Please let me know if you try any of these ideas and if they work for you.