Mia, I completely agree with everything you wrote there!
The limits especially are VITAL. I always say that if your "no" doesn't mean NO, then a child doesn't believe that your "Yes" means yes...or that your "I love you" is true either. I think that's why kids crave limits and consistency. It's about trusting the parent. They really do want "no" to mean no!
Just to emphasize the point, there are a couple of GT kids I know whose parents are utter pushovers. Nice people, but the kids run the show. It makes me crazy when they are at my house! And the fact is, the kids are much better behaved after an aftenoon with me because I don't put up with it. It tells me that their behavior is all about lack of limits. At my house, they know the limits, and they act much better than they do around their parents.
Your post also reminded me of something else that really worked for us on a tantrum, Mia.
If DS7 threw a toy (or otherwise misbehaved with it), I would take it away, as any parent would do. But the trick was that I took it away for a *very short time*--a matter of seconds for a 2yo!--and then gave it back. In essence, he was in time out from the opportnity to use that toy. But he learned to use it properly because I gave him another chance very soon afterward. If he threw the toy again, I took it away again, and then gave it back again. And so on. This didn't happen very many times before he realized that he'd have more fun if he followed instructions the first time. It provides lots of chances to learn in a very short span of time.
It worked on DS4 as well, though as always, it required more time and effort on my part because of his less logical and more volatile nature. But it did work.
FWIW...
