First of all, a word of sympathy. With two children 19-months apart, I've been there!
Now that dds are 4.5 and 3, I will tell you it has gotten much better. I have found 4, in particular, to be a very lovely age.
I agreed with Katelyn's Mom. If you have the energy, I find it helps to consistently ask her to repeat her demands in a nicer way (at our house we say, "Can you say that again using your manners?") Sometimes it's not even what they say -- but how they say it -- that really wears you down.
Dh is quite good at diffusing situations with humor ... tickle attacks, etc. But I find, being the primary caregiver, it is a greater benefit to me to set the rules and make sure they are followed. That seems to help in the long run.
I am reading an interesting book right now about creating moral intelligence in our children. And it says how we, ourselves, react to tense situations really teaches our children about self-control. I'm trying to remember that advice during the times I feel the steam coming out of my ears!
