s. If this happened, it would be the last time that my child would go to a library or a public place to hang out, work etc.
With respect, I don't find this a helpful suggestion. Think of what you are saying. The last time your child would go to a public place to hang out? Ever again?
You probably didn't mean exactly that, but even if what you really meant was "The child would be barred from going to the library till..." (what?) I have stopped thinking of my child (undiagnosed, but lacking in emotional control and maturity for sure) as intentionally doing things like this to be "bad" or "manipulative." Some children really have trouble with intensity and huge feelings. What you're suggesting is somewhat similar to punishing a child for depression or anxiety. This may even BE anxiety. I don't think the OP's daughter is being bratty or Veruca Salt-ish. I think she is having trouble.
YES-- this is it exactly-- some combination of factors is leading to difficulty with regulation.
The underlying
reason for restricted space to work it out is actually two-fold, here:
1. Being in a place/space where options are less limited in the moment means more chance to escalate to a point of no recovery and full, red-alert meltdown.
2. There is the matter of others and their needs/wants to consider. Throwing a hissy fit in a library IS rude, and it IS an imposition on others who did nothing to deserve that.
Now, the "rational" part of her is likely to see item 2 as being significant there, but parents are likely to view 1 as equally important, if more of a stealth reason in their explanations to her.
I'm just saying that life in a civilized society means being unselfish enough to admit that 2
is a consideration at all. From the OP, it is clear that this family does consider that to be a matter for consideration.
It will need to be approached gently, however, so as not to make it a matter of shaming, so much as a matter-of-fact consideration. Something about working in public in a space where behavioral expectations are so narrow was
not a good addition to this problem for now. Ergo, until that is no longer true, that setting seems an inappropriate location for the activity.
