As for the "I hate you" line, my stock response is, "that's alright, you're feeling X because Y. I'll always love you, and nothing you ever do will change that." It's a covert way to succinctly communicate that the underlying emotional need has been heard while reframing the incident around love.
I like that phrase! I need to write it down so I can remember it.
And, to all who talked about why it's important and how to walk away from a problem and come back later, thank you. As I said a bit earlier I will take a look at all the responses and come up with a game plan. I love concrete ideas about how to handle things.
