I wanted to add that once my DS ramped up there was no way to talk him down. You HAD to remove him from the situation and give several hours for him to calm down. He honestly didn't even know he was doing it. (And yes lots of homework didn't get turned in the spring of his 6th grade.) What we did work out was a non-threatening phrase I (or his teacher) could say when she started noticing his fretting. I got good at noticing when he would start to spin and fret because part of the problem was he rarely realized he was doing it. I would jump in and just say something like "your starting to get loud". I found that keeping the phrase simple and non confrontational helped. Reminding him of what would happen if it escalated usually made it worse.
The trick is working out when she is calm and rational how you should try and handle when the situation happens in the future that works for you both. Be consistent but know that it will take time. Try to understand that this is not personal and she may have little idea what she is saying once she gets on a rant. And that yes puberty and hormones are probably playing a part but don't tell her that.
As to the "I hate you". I would ignore that when talking to her for the initial conversation. The current conversation needs to be about what you do to PREVENT this type of situation in the future. Don't get stuck on the words she said. Sure in some later conversations you needs to talk about how much those kids of words hurt. Make this about how you can NOT throw screaming fits when you get stuck on a problem.
One thing that surprises me is that my son remembers none of this and he has just turned 12 at the time and is 16 now. It was very dramatic for me and for him at the time. He remembers the social difficulties
Last edited by bluemagic; 05/15/15 10:13 AM.
