At the start of puberty, girls become SUPER volatile like this-- given her age, that is a distinct possibility.
A major melt-down like that in a public place where others go to work in a quiet environment? You're more patient than I'd have been, most likely.
Once she's calmed down-- if it were me, and I realize that it isn't-- I'd point out that her conduct was interfering with the ability of OTHERS to do what they went there to do, and that it is, for that reason alone,
never to be repeated.
It's one thing to lack emotional regulation and throw a tantrum. Quite another to subject innocent bystanders to such a thing.
Then, I'm afraid that I wouldn't take her BACK to the library until she demonstrated that she has the ability to regulate herself better. Sure-- go for a quick trip to get books or whatever, but no more settling in to work there.
(I realize that probably isn't what you want to hear.)
Also-- know that for some kids, the "I hate you" gambit is one that they trot out
because it gets to you. Honestly, you kind of have to let that one roll off your back a bit. I figure that if I'm doing my job as a mom properly, there are GOING to be times when my DD is furious with me for exercising my judgment... .um, instead of hers. LOL. I have learned to not worry too much about what she says to me in a fit of pique.
Then again, we come from pretty volatile (genetic) stock-- so that may be easier for me to say that for some parents. Our home is not 'tranquil' nor 'soothing' as a general rule, emotionally-speaking. It isn't who we are as people.
Also know that truly secure attachment means that your kids will feel that they CAN say
anything to you as a parent, and know that you'll love them anyway. They say such things because we're the ONLY people they can let that much out with. It's a back-handed compliment, to be sure.
We tried the journal thing-- didn't work very well, since DD didn't approach it seriously.
