Good job MichelleC - so much progress since your last post! Way to rock it out mom!
I have to say that I do see red flags with the approach of staying put, doing outside supports and hoping for the best. You mention writing issues and math issues as well as the dyslexia. Also that the dyslexia tutor mentioned the possibility of something other than dyslexia going on. This tells me there is more to your DD's story and you have not teased it all out yet, similar to when my DD was first identified. I doubt your situation will be as extreme as ours since my DD collapsed in kindergarten and yours was able to make it until 3rd grade before being identified. Still my gut tells me you may find more with her than you know about now.
I think your DH being "polyanna-ish" is natural. I still have people who insist "there's nothing wrong with DD" despite all the evaluations, interventions and identifications. By definition 2E kids are gifted - they tend to dazzle people with their brilliance at a young age. It's so hard for some people to get the concept of them being LD. I battled my pediatrician for 3 1/2 years to get a referral to an OT and battled DD's first school for in school evaluations all through K because she was just So. Darn. Smart.
A school that has "never dealt with dyslexia"? I simply cannot imagine your DD getting what she needs here. Even if you have a great program for her outside of school she will still need accommodations and modifications in school. If this was your only option I could see pouring all your energy and resources into outside supports. But with other (better) options available I would not go this route.
I would take a close look at what the English public will offer and then compare it apples to apples with the LD schools. I have found these specialty schools to be very helpful. You could probably sit down with them and the outline from the English public and they could explain the differences with their own program.
I would not worry about having to switch schools twice if that's what your DD needs. One thing you hear over and over on these boards is that all school situations are temporary. We need to adjust as our kids' needs adjust. I think the decision will really come down to trying the English public or jumping straight to the LD school. I just really don't think your do-it-yourself approach is going to work. Hopefully your DH will come to understand that. And yes I believe you are right to be concerned about the effect of unrealistic demands. My DD developed an anxiety disorder which is now finally under control in a more supportive environment that understands her needs. Just having an IEP may not be enough - DD's second grade teacher in the public just could not wrap her head around DD's needs and was totally unable to implement her IEP. So you would hopefully get more support and more services at the English public but will still have to advocate and put out fires.
Hang in there - you are doing a great job!
