Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums College Young college student-- Rush-- Y/N?

The sorority/fraternity experience isn't a one-size-fits-all experience any more than one gifted person is a carbon-copy of another - so what applies to your dd's particular university's sorority setup might be completely typical of what your expectation is, or it could be 180 degrees different.

I graduated from a STEM school, and I'm also a member of a sorority. My sorority is a national sorority which I suspect anyone who knows sororities would recognize the name of. My experience being in a sorority in college was *fantastic* ... and fwiw... my mother didn't want me to join for most of the reasons you mentioned:


Those things simply weren't (aren't) true of either my chapter or of most of the chapters nationwide of my sorority. At some schools yes, (primarily the big "party" schools)... but my guess is that's not where your dd is going. If you met me in real life you'd find me a person who is as far away from "Barbie" culture as possibly can exist

This is what my sorority experience was like, and what I value from it:

Service - my sorority has a national charity angle that all chapters were required to participate in. Left to my own devices looking for something to be of service in, it's not a cause I would have chosen on my own - but the service I did for it made me very appreciative to have had the opportunity - it was just one more small thing that helped open my eyes to the larger world around me.

Mentors - there were adult alumni volunteers who acted as mentors for our chapter - they were an important presence in our chapter during college in that they provided a bit of "mom" presence and perspective during a time in our lives when most of our real life moms were far removed in location and time. Some of the alums were also much younger than our own moms, but still provided that grounded perspective that an adult who is out of college can provide to a college student who's in turmoil over relationships or neglecting a class or whatever. And they did pay attention to our grades

Mentors again - through the adults who were local and participated in our chapter to the adults mentioned again and again in our alumni magazine (which we started receiving the minute we signed on), we were aware of the strong women with strong values and strong careers who were a part of our sorority. The focus wasn't even remotely on a Barbie culture, it was about becoming an accomplished woman who made a contribution to the world.

Connections - I honestly haven't used these in many ways, but those same mentors provided connections for some of our members as they left college and moved into their careers.

Friendships - I wouldn't have joined a sorority if I didn't feel a kinship with the women in it. There is an essence to each group on campus - something that makes one group feel more comfortable than another to any given student. I didn't find *all* my people there, but I did have very close friends in my sorority.

Roberts Rules of Order - a bit tongue-in-cheek lol! But seriously, I was not in student council or anything like that in high school. Sorority meetings were run with Roberts Rules, there were sorority officers etc - it was a mini-glance at learning how life in organizations work, and outside of that, in the bigger picture, good experience in learning how to work with a group of diverse personalities to accomplish common goals. Because truthfully, very little time in our meetings was spent on anything remotely close to Barbie-stuff - we had service projects to plan, events to coordinate etc. I served on our campus' Panhellenic board - again, it was all about service, helping out on campus, had nothing to do with parties.

The other things I'd take into account when thinking this through - you may decide that you won't let your dd participate in rush or join a sorority - and that's ok. One thing that hasn't even been mentioned here is $ - sororities and fraternities come with annual fees, and usually have one or two formal events through the year that also cost $. But even if you ultimately say "no" to joining or participating in rush, it's probably not going to be the end of your dd wanting to participate in sorority/fraternity events. Parties etc are open to the public - at least many of them are. And there, as with anything in college life, I think that ultimately Old Dad's advice is spot-on. You've raised your dd to understand and respect your family's values. She's developed her own moral compass and sense of ethics through your parenting and through her own maturing as she's discovered the world. This is where her inner self begins to really be "out there" on her own. She'll make some miss-steps along the way and she'll most likely run head-on into some people who are less than terrific along the way, but she's got a great head on her shoulders, and she'll be fine

At least, that's what we, as parents, have to trust as our children move on into adulthood. And moving on into college, no matter what your chronological age, is a step into adulthood.

Best wishes,

polarbear

ps - don't know if this helps at all... but fwiw... as you know, we chose not to grade-accelerate our ds, partly for reasons such as this type of decision, mostly because I wanted to selfishly postpone his leaving home until I absolutely had to be up for it age-wise So.... this summer he's going to an "away" camp for the first time in his life (he's been to week-long overnight camps before locally... but this one is really "away"). He has a really nice cohort of friends, and they all seem still to be... very mature, yet very young in another sense. Back when I was his age.. oh gosh.. kids were having all kinds of sex and doing all kinds of drugs etc at my middle school... even in elementary school. That doesn't seem to be happening with my kids friends at all. So far so good with that. Then I read some of the students' experiences with this camp my ds is going to and, um, I just about freaked because there was mention of some kids having sex, etc. Yikes! My ds is still my very young ds (in MY brain lol)... and I was thinking - what happens when I send him there? Will he just go crazy thanks to the sheltered life he's lived so far? Will he forget all about the reason *I'm* sending him (for what he gets to learn lol) and instead bring back the memory of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll? Fortunately my dh, always the level-headed mellow person in the family.. chose to head off my panic attack by... mentioning that next year in high school he'll most likely be surrounded by other kids thinking about all that stuff, so we might as well send him off to summer camp to be exposed to it early Again, major mom freak-out lol! Friends have reassured me that their children from similarly sheltered and non-eventful childhoods did, indeed, go on to high school and summer camps and not go crazy when confronted with their first wild party etc. So just offering that up to let you know - what you're feeling is unique in that your dd's situation is unique, but it's also very normal in many ways to. And probably not the first time you'll be wondering should I or shouldn't I let her do this - but if she's off to college, it's most likely better to let her try it out rather than to put the harness on and say no right at the first mention of it. If it's truly a "Barbie culture" sorority I'm sure your dd isn't going to be interested anyway