I really appreciate the info, everyone. This is helping me to know how to respond to my DD. I was feeling as though I wasn't handling this well-- or that maybe I wasn't being "fair" about it, given my bias.
You're absolutely being "fair" about it based on your experience, however, the problem isn't in your view but that of your daughter. The older she gets the less likely you'll be able to force your experience and opinion upon her and the more she's going to have to learn for herself, the trick them is to help her learning come with the least pain.
Once my boys hit about 15, we started having more and more discussions about calculated risk, personal responsibility, and ramification of actions as thought patterns when decision making. Those topics have been key in my eldest son's current mindset much more so than I'd ever dreamed they would be.
