{{{{Hugs}}}} for the stress! I've BTDT, and it's horrible. I'm so sorry you're going through it. Do remember that you're looking for the least-worst option, not perfection. Don't let your own fears of making a mistake make you crazy. If you're doing something for your son, if you're trying your best to do what he needs, then that's enough. Don't wind yourself up trying to be perfect or not make a mistake. Not only is it impossible, it's not necessary. You will make mistakes. All parents do. Just do your best and remember that nothing is irreversible. There may be a cost to reversing a decision, but you can change your mind if what you choose isn't working.
It will be okay!
FYI on the GT teacher: many teachers--GT teachers included--oppose grade skips unconditionally. Have you read "A Nation Deceived"? It's worth a look so that you get the other side of the story, a side backed with research instead of nothing but urban legend and fear. (For example, social skills often IMPROVE in grade-skipped children, since they are placed with kids who are more like true peers rather than age-only peers.) I don't think grade skips are for every HG+ child, but I wouldn't accept that teacher's view as correct either. She sounds like she has an agenda, and it isn't necessarily one that's in Pud's best interests!
You can get a copy of the report for free here:
http://www.accelerationinstitute.org/Nation_Deceived/BTW, the teacher's comment about acceleration vs. challenging is nonsensical, I think. It says to me that she doesn't really understand HG+ kids. Kids who learn things the first time they see them often need both challenge and acceleration, and sometimes they get the challenge through the acceleration.
As for the homeschooling problems: first and foremost, is Pud buying into HSing? Does he want to HS?
I'm thinking it might be time for a heart-to-heart talk with him about his education. If he wants to do Aleks and read what he wants, then there are other things that must be done, too, at least at some point. It's just part of getting an education.
Now, I hesitate to suggest this because I got beaten over the head with it when I was trying to figure out how to make homeschooling work for us, and it annoyed me...but in your case, I think it's possible that you might need to deschool for a bit. What I mean is, if all he wants to do is Aleks and reading, then maybe that's okay for a while. Eventually you'll have to reintroduce the other things he needs to learn, but he doesn't have to get them right now. And if he was bored and frustrated with school last year, then maybe he needs some time to follow his interests and not be dictated to about learning at all. The idea is that once the pressure is off, eventually he'll get his curiosity back about other subjects, and then you can pursue that curiosity with him.
Another thought (for you to accept or ignore as you like): maybe the goal-setting you're doing is the problem.
When we started HSing, I asked DS7, "What do you want to learn?" He listed a bunch of things, and then I did my best to fit our approach to those topics into the traditional school subjects so that they "counted." But as far as he was concerned, he was just doing what he asked to do. As a result, he was very cooperative! Since he learns things so fast, I didn't really worry about mastery. I mean, he's 7. So what if he hasn't totally mastered geometry when we're through with it? He's had exposure to something new and he loves the learning. He'll get more geometry later. The beauty of the spiral structure of virtually all the curriculum out there, not to mention our entire educational system, is that it's fine if they get what they can now and keep moving, because you know they'll get it again later if they need it. That's doubly true of HSing, where you can review or redo whenever you need to, totally following your child's lead.
I guess what I'm saying is that maybe you're having trouble and getting rebellion from Pud because you're stressed about HSing and making it harder and more restrictive than it has to be because you're afraid you'll do a bad job. Maybe his rebellion is telling you that you're trying too hard to teach him instead of letting him learn.
(And I can say this because I just had a similar freak-out moment of my own when I got wound up about goals and not doing enough. Lorel pulled me back from my own personal ledge!
)
So, what about pulling back on the requirements and goals and just seeing what he accomplishes on his own for a while? I think you might be surprised at what he does.
Just limit his TV and gaming time. That's the one thing that almost all HSers agree on when deschooling! They have to have the time and space to get bored so that they'll come back to learning on their own terms.
As for the piano: does he want to take piano? Has he taken piano before this summer, or is it new?
Hang in there. Keep talking. You'll figure it all out.
