Yes, I agree with Cathy: cross the college bridge when you come to it. Pud could always take college-level classes online or at a small college until he's a bit older, or take a gap year (or more) to travel or work at an internship. As many HG+ kids have trouble deciding what to be when they grow up, such options can be really good ones for some kids!
I'd recommend that you worry about what works for Pud now, not way down the line.
I have a few questions about homeschooling as an option. I know it's going to sound like I'm doing the hard-sell, so I'll apologize in advance. I promise that's not my intention.
It's just that since homeschooling solved for us a lot of the very problems you mention, I have questions for you about your take on it.
What have you struggled over with him this summer? Can you explain what's gone wrong so that maybe we can see if homeschool is really just a bad fit for you and Pud (it could be!) or if there's something else going on? How are you doing the homeschooling this summer? What's your approach? Is it possible this is a conflict between the way you're teaching and his personality type rather than homeschooling in general? Is he resisting because school is out and he wants to play? (I'm getting some of that myself, actually.)
Why is your DH worried about structure and discipline? Unless you're a lax parent now, you probably won't be as a homeschooler. And not every kid needs a highly structured learning environment. Maybe Pud does--in which case, you'd need to provide that, obviously. But for our part, we're pretty laid back, and DS7 has done fine with it. Discipline is actually a lot less of a problem than it was when he was in a lousy school fit and a kid with a bad attitude. What's the source of concern there?
One key: before we decided to HS, I discussed the prospect with him and what would be expected of him, and I got his buy-in. This meant that he had to promise to do the work I assigned to him--or at least discuss any problems rationally and respectfully with me--as I was promising the state that we would educate him appropriately. I told him that if I couldn't do that, then he would have to go back to the public school. We had a bad day here or there, but he generally cooperated very nicely with me. When we had problems, it was almost always a sign that the material I was giving him wasn't where he needed it to be. I don't think he ever just rebelled for the sake of a power struggle. Of course, he did NOT want to go back to the bad fit of public school, so he was pretty highly motivated to cooperate...and naturally my kid may be very, very different from your kid. I realize that my experience may not translate at all to yours, but I think it's worth considering at least.
Another point: DS7 does not spend a whole lot more time on all his homeschool work than he spent on his boring, too-easy homework from the school. Getting him to finish that homework was like pulling teeth, and we fought about it all the time!
But in homeschooling, you can follow the child's lead a lot more. Yes, there are some things they just have to do. But not as many as you might think because you have a lot more room to follow the lead of a strong-willed child than you get in a classroom. Seriously, I can't even express how much LESS of a struggle we have over schoolwork now than we used to have! I'm wondering what's causing your struggles--???
As for the sanity: are there any good homeschool groups in your area? Or would you have to go it alone? How about Scout troops or sports teams? Any kids in the neighborhood who might be available to play after school? There are kids out there if you know where to find them. I'd start with the homeschool groups. Personally, without a good group, I wouldn't be homeschooling myself. They're gold!
Finally, do you have child care? That's my other sanity saver. I couldn't do this without a couple of good, reliable sitters!
My vote would depend on your answers to these questions (if you choose to answer--you certainly don't have to!).
But I think it's safe to say that public school seems to me to be the worst choice, no matter what. Either homeschooling or private school sounds a lot better.
I hope you get good help!
