I'm sorry, Lori!
You know, I've found that if we seem confident and comfortable with ourselves, then others seem to accept us better. Maybe your posts aren't reflective of the way you present yourself IRL, since this is a safe place filled with supportive people. Maybe you're exposing yourself here in a way that you wouldn't IRL, and in IRL you project confidence.
But if you are IRL as you project yourself here, you do seem to me to feel insecure and lacking confidence. You seem bothered quite a lot by what people think. You seem to expect people to reject you and your son, even to look for rejection in situations that don't seem to me to be personal.
That makes me sad for you.
It also tends to be self-fulfilling.
I'm not saying that people aren't rejecting you and your son. I'm sure it happens, since it happens to everyone sometimes. I'm just saying that rather than assuming the worst, maybe you could assume the best and even ignore the slights that do happen. Being socially clueless, shrugging off when people are subtly not-nice, can be a really great strategy for dealing with petty meanness.
For example, maybe the swim teacher didn't want your son in the class. That's possible. But it's also possible that she just forgot that you asked her to call you. But you assumed the worst there, and didn't even ask her. Why? Why not assume the best? What have you got to lose? At worst, she 'fesses up and says she didn't want your son in the class. But at least you had the chance to ask her about it. And the best case is that she says, "Oh! I forgot all about it! I'll fit him in because it was my mistake!" But if you leave without asking because you assume the worst, you never find out. Even if she did purposefully slight you, asking her about it gives you the chance to make *her* feel bad for her bad behavior rather than *your* feeling bad and her escaping scot-free.
Another example: you assumed the teachers were talking about you and saying negative things. Maybe they were. But we don't know that for sure. Either way, you can choose to be sensitive to it and let it get to you, or you can choose to smile and be friendly and they might even decide to do the same. Maybe not, but at least you don't have to feel like you have to hide. You don't have to hide, you know! You're allowed to take your son to VBS regardless of everyone else. No one else's opinion has to matter. Why let it?
And the parking thing: that was dumb of the church, but that wasn't anything personal. They'd have said the same thing to anyone who parked there, right? That's the sort of thing that you're choosing to take personally, to let get to you, but you really don't have to.
It sounds like the VBS program wasn't a good fit for you and your son and the people there were not very welcoming. But I wonder if you could just ignore the pettiness and smile and behave as if you feel happy and confident and where you belong, and then maybe you'll find that it's true. People tend to be uncomfortable around insecure people. We tend to be friendly around confident, cheerful, relaxed people.
I'm NOT saying this is your fault. As I read over this, I want to make sure that's clear. I think you and your son have gone through some really yucky stuff and you're in a very unwelcoming town. I think it's been really hard on you. I'm sorry for that.
I'm just saying that "Fake it until you make it" sounds like it might work for you here. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar and all that. Pretend you belong and they might just treat you as if you do. Show how proud you are of your son. Smile and be supportive of him when he's struggling physically, but don't let it make you uncomfortable. Explain kindly if people seem concerned or confused, but always seem okay with it instead of insecure.
After all, your son is a very special, wonderful kid! He's a kid to be proud of! And if you both hold your heads up, you may find that you attract other great and special people to you. You are different than those around you, but I'm SURE there is at least one other person around who doesn't buy into the sports-worshipping society there. There has to be! We're in a similar sort of community, but we've found people like us. It's just about making yourselves attractive to friendships while you look.
Hang in there, Lori! I'm thinking good thoughts for you!
