For the third year in a row, I'm faced with the recommendation of having my daughter skip a grade. When she was in Pre-K, her school principal suggested it; when she was in K, the principal and superintendent said they'd never seen anyone as advanced as she is and had no idea what to do with her aside from skipping or getting her into a gifted school... so I moved to a new district known for its gifted program, and nothing is different. The principal here has also suggested skipping. I just don't want to.
Yes, schools do not suggest whole-grade acceleration lightly as it results in the child leaving the school one year sooner, which may translate to a loss of funding for that one pupil for that one year. As you mentioned, schools tend to suggest whole-grade acceleration when they have no idea what to do with a child.
My kiddo is in 1st grade and reads on a 5th grade level and does math on a 3rd grade level. She is significantly beyond her peers socially as well, but she still loves her friends.
If you recently moved in order for her to attend the gifted school this year and she already loves her friends in October, it sounds like she makes friends quickly.
Because this school is known for its gifted program, have they seen others like her before? Do they have others like her there now? Could they create a cluster group of kids with similar readiness and ability, possibly encompassing several grades?
I want so badly to make it work.
Ultimately having a happy, well-adjusted kid is the goal: that's what works.
I don't want to rush her life along.
Since she performs math 2 years ahead and reads 4 years ahead, do you consider that she is rushing her life along?
I don't want her to find out there's no Santa a year sooner,
The gifted ones sometimes figure this out quite quickly; They do not necessarily learn this factoid from others. They may cite "evidence" and inconsistencies which they have observed which led them to their conclusion. Upon quick-thinking and supportive conversation at home they may end up successfully humoring their classmates for years. You may want to plan now for that conversation, lest she be the child to present her findings to others at school thereby bringing down the wrath of many angry moms upon her.
... or have her friends driving a year sooner,
Realistically, if she is 2-4 years ahead of her classmates in academics and noticeably ahead of them socially, she may not have friends among them a decade from now. They may simply be on a different wavelength. She may become a social isolate.
... or have her dating a year sooner
This is largely determined by family values and is not grade-dependent.
... or leaving for college a year sooner.
Some families find a gap year works, some enjoy early college, some may find local college to be an option.
1) It may be difficult but parents need to realize that our dreams for our kids do not always match the reality of the kid we have. The book
A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children offers compassionate insight and shares the deep need these kids have to be accepted and supported for who they are.
2) You may wish to take a look at the IOWA Acceleration Scale (link-
http://www.greatpotentialpress.com/iowa-acceleration-scale-3rd-edition-complete-kit) which helps parents and schools objectively weigh pros and cons regarding whole-grade acceleration.
3) What you are going through may be common; After time, parents look back and report they were in denial about the differences between their child and others, having been downplaying the differences.
If you've chosen to keep a highly gifted kid in his or her normal grade, how did you make it work?
Just focusing on the word "normal" here, some may say that as parents of gifted kids we have a new normal:
1) Our kids are normal but they are not typical.
2) Normal grade for these kids may be the grade at which they find intellectual peers, as opposed to being in a grade with age-mates.
They will likely bump her to a 2nd grade class for reading, but the principal said he's never heard of them doing that for math at this age.
Would the principal be willing to set that precedent? Would he be supportive of subject acceleration for math... testing and placing her with the appropriate math challenge and support? Even this is not ideal as gifted kids may need both appropriate placement and pacing; they often require fewer repetitions to learn something.
Last year she got different homework from her peers, but still had to sit through the same lessons (ABCs, 123s) that she learned when she was 18 months old. I can't even imagine how deadly boring it is for her to sit through phonics every day now, though she rarely complains. She just says school is too long.
Have you asked her what she wants?
For right now, I'm not looking for the "hey, you really should skip her" advice. I may get there, but I'm still hoping to find a way to keep her in 1st grade but with work that's challenging to her. Any advice or experiences to share?
1) If not whole-grade acceleration, subject acceleration: Testing/placement in appropriate grade-level for math, reading?
2) Have you considered homeschooling?
3) Have you had your child tested? If so, what does the psych suggest?
