hello again! Sorry it has taken me so long to reply! I have been reading and just working on turning my schedule on its head
It has done me some good! I just want to say first, thank you all for your replies and just helping me feel like i am not alone..
The library visit idea is great, its something we do already! However i don't meet many mams there as we seem to be the only two that come in and sit and read for hours. We will keep going though! you never know who might show up!
Thanks SAHM for the gymnastic class idea. I had done a class when DD was 20months, but didn't rejoin. DD was the only one in the group who sat listening intently and joining in. Then one day the teacher, as if to make the other mams feel better said, 'Don't worry coz that's (pointing to my compliant child) not normal!' ..to which DD who was sitting in my lap looked back at me with puppy eyes and from then on explained everything in terms of being 'normal'. Thank god that phase has ended.. So maybe its time to try again somewhere else since its probably more likely that 3yr olds will be a bit more focused now like DD.
Thanks Portia, i am definitely limiting our time with negative moms from now on. I am watching out for off peak times at the big playground and I brought my DD to visit a farm this week too where we picked some fruit! She loved it! i was feeling so guilty about doing so much one on one with her, worrying that it was my fault she acted so mature and couldn't understand kids. But from what you all seem to say, i guess its ok in the first few years.
Haha! polly i do that too! i hide all the 100piece jigsaw puzzles and the colouring books that she has so percisely coloured in
The read it yourself books have been commented on and i have pretended they were given to her by cousins
terrible.. i don't think that trying to hide her is a good thing though, coz the truth always comes out. One day she visited a house with me where the older child had a vtech computer. She sat in the corner and played with it til she figured it out! I was asked if she has one at home and i said "no" and one mother just couldn't drop it for the whole visit that i must be lying! awkward!
Also polly, thanks you hit the nail on the head when it comes to being a SAHM. Perhaps its important for me to have some seperate friends and maybe pursue some spare time. So i looked into a playgroup i found online this week outside my area. Its only a small group, two days a week, where the teachers monitor closely, so i think its perfect! I hope this will start to give her the exposure she needs, plus some praise from a teacher without my input. I told them nothing of her abilities when i applied, they can see for themselves and hopefully advise me further on what else i can do with her! Now i can look for some friends separately in my spare time and not be so focused on DD and getting all sensitive about it!
@wesupportgifted, i hope DD has that haven already, it was just the interaction with peers that i thought she was lacking. I was feeling guilty that i am giving her problems by keeping her at home. I've been told by my parents that i am most likely gifted, info i only found out after having DD and being surprised at all she could do! They then told me i was exactly the same.. I cried when i read gifted websites and gave myself clarity that i wasn't alone all those years, but just thought differently. It has given me a new confidence in my life..that different is good, and that i've an excuse for my social failures! However, where i missed out, i am hoping to help my DD so that she won't be so isolated from the outset with just a mom and me situation. Maybe me and DD need a fresh path and some time apart..maybe even some babysitters
However i disagree that gifted people care less about family. Its no.1 on my ladder right now. My family IS my work and my motivation! I care so much about raising my DD to love life and have the morals i grew up with. I don't find being a SAHM a stop in my accomplishments. My DD is my greatest gift. No amount of money can compensate for me what she gives me, and i hope what i give her. She is all i have for now and my goal is to see her safely to school. I just want the best for her. But maybe its becoming overbearing and she needs playschool now.. But despite the regular chores, the freedom and enjoyment and diversity of raising a child rules out the monotonous chore of a 9-5 job for me. Its not that i am disheartened about being a mom, if thats what you were thinking, but more disheartened by the attitude of others towards what i love most in this world.
Thanks puffin, they are good points.. i tend to be sensitive too alright, but i don't think i am imagining it. I think kids are kids and despite countless kids pushing and shoving and even at times hitting (most have that phase i know) my DD, i reassure the mam not to worry, i understand. So therefore when it comes to my own child, i don't understand why they can't show any compassion for the way she is and the phases she is going through. To top it, its not like they should hate her playing with their children because she has never EVER, since she was a tot, raised a hand or foot at anyone. All she has done 'wrong' is be too mature for her peers.
Maybe i'm drifting off point, but @doubtfulguest, i would looove if my DD would open up a bit to people. Thats another issue. Maybe its a result of her playground experience, but if someone on public transport talks to her or if someone walking by us says hello to me and smiles to her, she gives them the biggest frown EVER! She tells people they are strangers and that she can't talk to them and will run and hide behind me. Sometimes it makes people tease her and peek around me at her and a tantrum erupts. Don't have a clue where to take that problem except wait it out??!!
To help with being in public, as i said above, i took her to a farm recently and am making plans for more museum visits now! I know she will love that! She was at a museum a while ago and loved it, but upstairs the crowd was bigger and we had to leave! Still exposure is probably the way to go right? why did i not think of making these things more regular?!! I think i just fell in a hole recently! thanks again everyone for pulling me out!
MotherofToddler; her praise isn't my praise either, but i find her abilities stump a conversation when they are brought to light by her actions or words. The comments are jealous in reply and the attitude to DD is horrible at times. Yes i too am looking for friends, i admit that, but i want to be myself with my friends and let DD be herself too. A smile and "well done!" or "really? woah!" doesn't take much to make her smile and go about her business again and then adult conversation could resume. Thats what i am looking for and haven't found it. Am i looking for the unimaginable? It was only in the early days that i blurted too much about dds abilities, and i only talked about them because everyone else was telling what their LO learned the day before too! I know better now.
I do give the other kids attention which is what back fired that time i mentioned when she told me she can't do anything. She saw me praising kids for whatever, and then their parents praising them. Then when she accomplished something, like one time it was tying her shoelaces while sitting on the tarmac beside us adults chatting; only i told her excellent, well done, the others just stared without compliment! she started shouting "don't stare its rude!" and undid her lace.. but i had to tell her quietly not to shout like that at people..she ran off embarrassed, so praise for shoe tied is lost.. many similar situations..
I tried your conversation starter ideas with the family
thanks! they work great!! helps her join in with the adults which she loves!
Haha! actually yes i tried pointing out that screaming makes people cover their ears and here is what has been going on since. A baby or toddler is crying on the bus (the most embarrassing occasion, no escape! it happened around town too) and she claps her hands over her ears and shouts, "that baby is too loud, she is hurting my ears and probably everyone elses!". A VEEEERY embarrassed mammy tries to console her baby in the pram..obviously feeling inadequate and looking close to tears..to which a VEEERY embarrassed me tells dd to stop that and I apologize to the mammy. I am now telling DD quietly that when someone covers their ears, they are being very rude and insensitive and to ignore them! The words she chose to express its meaning are perfect, but we don't say that in society, so therefore we shouldn't do the actions either. Its hurtful.
Also no, not recognition for me. I'm sure. its not recognition for her abilities i'm talking of, its recognition of her as a person..not to be ignored, because she picks up on it, which in turn i suppose has to do with her abilities in a way. All kids want praise and to be acknowledged by people they look up to and they do that by doing good things and showing us what they can do. If you read my stories about her, you will see how the comments and looks and cold shoulders are hurting her..or maybe i'm not portraying it right.. You see the things an adult is surprised at, is not average 2yr old stuff, but she doesn't get that. She doesn't know what is "advanced" and that most people will feel jealous if she can do something their kid can't.. Plus 9/10 don't comment on anything she does.. advanced or not. And when someone says woah you can count to 3 to another child she wonders why people don't say well done when she counts 3 buckets and smiles to them ..shes ignored, but its because they know she counts past 20 as shes done that in front of them too! but again she doesn't get that!! so its the hurt for her that i am feeling. They could either acknowledge the little stuff or even the big stuff. anything! Also lately praise from me doesn't seem to matter to her as much, shes looking for it elsewhere..thats why i looked into the playgroup.. is that common?
You may be right about the non-verbal cues, but we never had 5min interactions where i thought my kid was smarter. They were several meet ups and things the other mom kept comparing about over time.. It was their thinking, not mine. If i saw things i never said it, but they blatantly said it out to me, pointing out milestones my dd had reached that i never even knew about. At times i was even hiding dds capabilities to try make friends, but something always gave and they thought me bad for playing her capabilities down. Have you seriously just mentioned future jobs? I haven't quite got to school years yet! haha! Thats not my attitude, i think you have me wrong..
KellyA that is soooo WEIRD!!! you gave me goosebumps reading that! my dd plays the EXACT same game as your LO! the bed is a boat and there is a crocodile in the water and shes rescuing her teddies! Thats so cute!! Also we use google for everything too.. including a lot of questions i can't answer like "what are bones made of?"!! but to help her face fears, thats brilliant! I will have to do that
Ok i'm cutting a bit short i know, but i've been too long here at the laptop! Thank you all so much and sorry if i've skipped over things, but i have read everything and i'm grateful! It was nice to be introduced to you all!
