REFUSED to show any of her skills. I thought that was really interesting.
Hmmmm.
In both local schools she would be at the low end of multi-age classrooms. Since there will be peers 3-4 grades above her in the class I think she may have the opportunity for some gifted support even if the schools are not really designed for it. If the whole class is talking about a particular topic it won't be odd for her to explore it in a more advanced way. Of course the 5th or 6th grade peers may not be operating at grade level but that's a different story.
Did you get to observe classrooms in #3? Are the ED kids mixed into the classrooms, or working in pullout situations? How does the school handle the mix of anxious kids with ED kids (who sometimes tend to be explosive and seem frightening to a kid who's anxious)?
Your DD's history of anxiety may make #3 a challenging placement in that regard. If she found the ADHD kids distracting on her visit, that seems important; how well will she actually learn in this environment? If you are thinking of next year as "the super-productive year where she masters AT and gets her math and reading on track" then a distracting or scary environment would be a non-starter. What did you see on the visit?
I'm not skeptical yet, BTW, just asking the question.
Another consideration - and I appreciate you giving the chance to think out loud here - is to go for option #3 since it's the school the district recommends. Since this year can focus on her LD issues it would not be a great sacrifice. If/when it doesn't work (and with those kids bouncing off the wall it is hard for us to imagine it working... ) we say "Not only is the district unable to meet her needs you were also unable to select an appropriate OOD placement. Now we do it our way. Now she goes to the school that specializes in kids with her profile. " They will have absolutely no defense left. We will have cooperated and tried it their way. That school seems sincere about trying to meet her needs. We will need to pin them down more specifically on their AT program and have the psych weigh in on the effect of those "distracting" kids but it's possible that this is the one year where it could be ok to try.
OTOH, you just spent two godawful years trying to make schools work. There is something to be said for shooting for the placement you and DH deem most likely to succeed at this point. Whether the distance means it really won't succeed is not mine to guess... but you don't really want another year of poor fit. (I hope your DD doesn't think this is all her fault somehow...)
I would also be convinced that we tried literally everything before uprooting her. Psychologically I think that's important.
I know she's anxious (weighs against uprooting); but kids usually bounce into new situations better than adults do. Assuming you can find a new dance studio, and that a few friends will be found in the new school, and that old friends can be visited on weekends-- does the possibility of school actually fitting mitigate the (presumably temporary) stress of uprooting and the (longer term) logistical burden? Would school fitting lessen her personal stress at all?
Again, I'm not trying to argue for #3, just asking the question. Let me know if you want me to stop poking at you...
DeeDee
