If DH is a professor and has that flexible schedule than making the commuting work should be doable. He could do one really long day and then one shorter, the rest at home and still be there more for DD than being gone all week. Also most large cities have lots of so so called bedroom communities where people commute - both princeton and even Philly are considered that for nyc and that can be a 2 hour train ride and some people do that everyday..
I agree the concern about reuniting based on progress is worrisome. And would add stress. I like DeeDee' idea of just hiring people to provide what she needs, and if you are fighting with the district it might be cheaper then the private so until you get paid a better option.
And dont get so stressed about the big city - it just looks big on the outside - you end up creating your own pockets of community - yours would initially be shaped by school. And sure there are professional dance places but there are plenty which cater to kids who jut want to dance. You can absolutely find both.
Change is always scary if you approach it that way - it can also be a big adventure. Sounds like the reality of separation is what is scaring everyone - - so figure out how to not separate.
DeHe
