I really appreciate everyone's input. It is really helpful. Obviously the unanimous voice here is the 2E school and find a way to get DD and DH more time together. That's the decision that I "owned" for months and fought so hard to get the district to approve. Interestingly not one person who knows us in RL has supported this option. Not one. It's an interesting dynamic. I realize that I have not shared as much with them about the 2E journey as I have here. Some of them understand the situation intellectually but they haven't experienced it first hand the way so many of you have. They can't relate to the feeling of relief I got talking to the folks at the 2E school and having them understand without having to be educated. They just can't relate...
On the other hand they know us. They have seen DD and DH together and know what kind of special relationship they have. (Unfortunately DH is the Dad that causes a lot of grief for other Dads. Because of his flexible schedule he is very visible. When DD was a baby he was constantly approached by other fathers with the opening line "I have XYZ degree - how can I get a gig like yours?" Over the years people have gotten used to it and he is almost considered "one of the Moms.") People just can't imagine separating them.
Yes there is a train from here to Major City. It would be an hour and a half+ on the train plus at least a 20 minute subway ride to the school. I figure DD and I could do that Monday morning if we want to have Sunday night at home and I would have to arrange for early dismissal on Fridays in order to get home without rush hour traffic. My mother splits her time between Major City and our area and drives back and forth on Tuesday and Friday. With an early dismissal we could probably arrange for her to drive us up Friday afternoons so DD could have a full weekend up here. This past year her dance class was on Fridays which helped me to think this could work. Her class has been moved to Mondays, though, so I would have to find a new studio in Major CIty. Do-able just one more loss for her...
A month or so ago we met with former DSS who had been so helpful last year but who moved to neighboring excellent district as their DIrector of Pupil Personnel Services. Before district agreed to OOD we were exploring ALL options including relocating to any district within an hour's drive of DH's university. DSS explained that no public school could meet DD's needs. Their hands are tied - they just can't provide the services that a kid with DD's profile would need. He also said he didn't see the benefit of relocating because even he who recognized these needs wouldn't be able to jump to OOD - we would have to start from the beginning again. If we give up residency in our district we will lose at least a year while new district starts from the beginning. He ended the meeting by saying if DD was his child he would do whatever he had to in order to get her to the 2E school. Pretty telling - huh?
The closer we get to Major City the more atmospheric the cost of living. I did look into renting a studio apartment closer to Major City but the cost of even the most basic rental plus maintaining our residency here plus commuting (even 1 way - it would be worse if DD and DH both had to commute) is just not feasible.
DH has pointed out that if he were the one looking at weekdays in Major City it wouldn't be such a big deal. I have been offered the opportunity to live there a number of times and it just makes me uncomfortable. Yes I will do it - I just have to be convinced it is really the best option. Prior to these 2 more local options being suggestedI I had been thinking of it as the only option. That made it easier to consider.
