Many of you have followed along with our saga and know that earlier this month the district agreed to Out of District (OOD) placement for DD8. We are now in the process of deciding what school would be the best. We have 3 options in the running, all with pros and cons. I would love some experienced voices of reason to help figure out the best choice.

1. 2E school located out of state. This school is about 2 hours away but my mother lives in the same city. DD and I would stay with her M-F and come home on weekends. They understand what we have been through and as 2E parents themselves can relate to all the struggles we have faced.

Pros: They get 2E - I wouldn't have to explain, advocate or turn myself into a pretzel educating them on her unique profile. Mixed grade classroom (grade 3+4) - maximum of 10 kids in the classroom with 2 teachers - 1 gifted and one spec ed. All math by a math specialist, all reading by a reading specialist. Technology specialist on staff. OT/PT/SLP/Psychs on staff. Sensory gym, break rooms, etc.

Cons: Family would be separated. DD would lose access to her father, her pets, her friends, her dance studio, her musical theater group - basically all things familiar. The district is not on board and we could have a legal fight to get them to approve payment. Attorney is confident we can get it if we push for it but it is not guaranteed. Could involve additional legal fees plus the transportation costs and the cost of maintaining 2 households.

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2. Local psycho-educational school located in our town closer to our home than current elementary school. A calm, nurturing environment that has a Japanese garden, tea house and lots of art. Shortened school day allows time for any additional services that may be needed. Mixed age classroom (grade 2-7) with all teachers spec ed certified. Probably 8 kids in her classroom. They don't believe in labels or testing. They would come up with a program for DD as they got to know her rather than following recommendations from neuropsych, AT eval, etc.

Pros: Ideal location. Shortened school day. No homework unless the child requests it. Would work on DD's anxiety. LD certified school. Approved placement. If we select it DD will be there - no more legal wrangling. Despite all the cons listed below it seems as if the program could actually work for her. Since located in our town district could provide any needed support services (i.e. speech, OT, etc) not available in the school.

Cons: They do not have any clue about 2E. The director made sure that I understood DD does not have "a typical gifted profile" and they do not consider her gifted. Prior to meeting her assumed DD would be an arrogant hot-housed child with no social skills who had to learn to be likable. Director told me I have caused damage to DD by developing an adversarial relationship with the school district. She told a story about allowing her 3rd grader to flounder in 2nd grade math until district wide testing showed him performing at 7th-8th grade level. "99.9% of parents would have fought them rather than let him spend the year in that class but I knew it was better for him not to antagonize the district." (!) Pushed DD really hard during intake interview until she ended up curled in the fetal position. Basically said I have done everything wrong and they want assurances from me that I will be able to back away and let them do whatever they think is best for DD without any interference.

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3. Spec Ed school located about a half hour away. Population seems mostly ADHD and ED. School Psych knows about 2E but stated very clearly that they do not have a 2E program and DD would not have any 2E peers. They would do their best to create an individualized program that would work for her. They had 1 2E kid several years ago but it didn't work and he left (We think we met him at option #2) Mixed age class (grades 2-6) max of 5 kids with a spec ed teacher. This is the placement recommended by the district. It is not outstanding in any area but is an all around compromise placement option.

Pros: Some familiarity with the concept of twice exceptional and willing to make an effort to learn about it and develop an appropriate program. DD could stay at home. The schools has chickens, a fish pond and a garden, all things DD loves. Seems to have all needed support services in place.

Cons: Located a half hour away by *very* congested highway - no way of knowing how long the trip home could take after school. Early start to the day means she would have to leave home before dark much of the year. Early start may impact her ability to participate in evening extra curricular activities. ADHD classmates were *very* bouncy when we visited and DD came home from her day long visit saying " There were 2 boys who were very distracting." She herself was very bouncy after spending the day there.


Any input would be welcome. I'm happy to answer questions or provide more info as needed. Thanks in advance!