Originally Posted by Old Dad
Originally Posted by Ametrine
I've read that one before and what really stuck with me was the comment about turning to the student and asking, "Did you do that?". How demeaning for a teacher! A person in authority who is, in their presence, being asked by a child if their account of an event happened or not. Kids lie to get out of trouble. (This is not apropos in accusations of abuse, of course.)

You know I read that and had a completely different thought pattern. My wife is a teacher of 29 years for MS & HS. My first thought pattern was wondering what the teacher would get so upset about if a parent did that? Why would one immediately assume that the question assumes the teacher is lying? How many times have any of us, knowing full well the answer asked our children, "Did you do X?" simply to confront them and have them admit guilt as part of holding them accountable? If a teacher immediately takes offense / becomes defensive in this scenario, then they've got confidence problems and aren't thinking past the end of their nose.

I know my kids feel that the worst punishment they can get is when I've confronted them and they see the deep disappointment in my eyes and perhaps get that verbal confirmation, "I'm really disappointed in your actions, you're a better person than that, so SHOW me that's true." I will, however, always discuss the issue with them and hear their side of the story before I make that judgement, to do otherwise is treating them with less respect than I do the teacher. I've raised my sons, I've lived with them for 15 and 19 years respectively, I know them like the back of my hand, yes, I'm going to treat them with as much respect and trust as I do the teacher and I'm going to question both my child and the teacher, their actions, their motives, and how they plan to move forward from this point. I hold myself accountable, I hold my kids accountable, and I'll hold a teacher accountable but not without getting to the bottom of things. There are precious few people who's word I take at face value simply because of a position they hold or a family status. Someone who I've met a couple of times and who's been involved in my child's life for less than 100 hrs. isn't one of them.

Thank you, Old Dad. Your words are wise.

I don't think I made myself clear. My problem with a parent asking a child in front of the teacher if they did what the teacher is accusing them of is because I think it's disrespectful of the teacher's authority in the child's eyes. Of course a parent shouldn't just take the word of the teacher, but should ask the child (in private) for their account of the incident in question. But to do so in front of the teacher using, "Did you do that?" type sentences isn't the way to go about it, imo. I would want to ask the teacher for some privacy with my child to speak with them before continuing with the conference.

A teacher who thinks a parent should blindly accept their rendition of events without asking their child what happened (in private) should be regarded with caution, certainly.

Oh, and I realized I made a mistake in my original post. Instead of: "A person in authority who is, in their presence, being asked by a child if their account of an event happened or not.", I meant to say, "A person in authority who is, in the presence of the child having their account questioned by asking the child if they did it or not. *

*frustrated at my poor communication skills here!