1) not all kids let parents know how miserable they are
and
2) kids can come to the conclusion that you, the parent, are unable to change the situation.
Once they reach that conclusion they may be less likely to share information. If it's not going to be acted on, sharing their pain may only amount to loss of face for the child. At least, this is sort of how I saw it at times, as a kid.
I am prety certain that this is where DD4.5 is now. After all, I have been talking to the teacher several times in the year, but nothing has changed for DD. She has stoped to complain and pretends she likes the school. She copes by pretending she is someone else. She is such a good actress that the teacher is fully buying into it. She even pretends to me that she likes the school... however, while she is telling me that she likes the teacher and the school she looks away and her eye pupils contract significantly...
Now for you DH a little bit of history:
- at 2yr4m she started a preschool, two mornings a week. It was completely non academic. She took two months to adjust but then made a friend and started loving it and having great time there. However, at the same time, at home, she stoped completely doing puzzles, being interested in letters and wanted to watch TV all day long. I think this is where she got her visual problems.
She as well started to misbehave a little at home. Before that she was literally a 'saint'.
Preschool was not the only cause for this change (I was pregnant and burst quite easly) but it certainly contributed a lot to it.
- At 2y 11 m DS was born and DD was really miserable and acting out.
Then when she was 3yr+ she started to go all mornings to the preschool, thinking that since she liked so much it would do good to her... Oh boy, how wrong I was. This is when all the problems really started. First, the friend that she had made was not going all the mornings, only two (as DD initially). DD did not interact well with other kids (ages 2-4) at all, despite having a mega social character. I started to receive more and more complains about her and at home her behavior deteriorated horribly.
After a few months, we decided to pull her partially out and leaver her two mornings as initially. You should have seen her when I told her she did not need to go all mornings. She really looked like a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders and her behavior improved a lot that same day.
During the summer break we got her tested in Spain and the test results put her somewhere in the MG+ range - althought I have reasons to believe that she is in fact in the EG range- but that's another story.
Then at 4 she started a new Montessori School. It all looks very promising and the teacher seemed very receptive to all I had to tell her about DD.
However, the teacher did not get DD at all and complain that she wanted to activities that were 'too hard'.
Anyway, DD seemed to be doing better at the school . I had a conference with the teacher and she told me that. I talked to DD and she burts out that she was completely unhappy at the school. After that, DD started to complain a lot about the school and complaining about stomach aches all the mornings.
I talked again to the teacher, who then talked to DD who told her that all was very difficult,..
Long story short: The teacher obviously had no clue how to deal with DD and DD is coping with the stress by acting - not acting out - but pretending she is a little girl. She is now underachieving big time and having rampant perfectionism. She seems to have lost her love of learning - although, right now, after almost two weeks of holidays it has come back a little.
We are right now looking for solutions next year.
I am still thinking seriously to keep her home the rest of the year, but DH is quite oposed to the idea. After she is 5 she has to atend school, homeschooling is a criminal offense here...
Ah! and of course we try to do some afterschooling, trip to museums, etc but with an ... ehem.... quite active 21 months old DS is kind of hard.
Voila! That's all. Hope it was not too long...
