...I wanted to make two points:
1) not all kids let parents know how miserable they are
and
2) kids can come to the conclusion that you, the parent, are unable to change the situation.
Once they reach that conclusion they may be less likely to share information. If it's not going to be acted on, sharing their pain may only amount to loss of face for the child. At least, this is sort of how I saw it at times, as a kid.
I think those are excellent points, kcab.
I read somewhere (Deborah Ruf's book, maybe?) that the best thing you can do when a child has a bad school fit is SOMETHING. Even if what you do doesn't actually help, at least it telegraphs to the child that you understand, that you care, and that you have the power and desire to make changes. These are the things that matter most to a child. These are the things that give a child the hope to hang in there and to trust you.
YMMV...
