Sadly we had the same go-around but not in an IEP meeting - it was in conversations trying to explain to the school that they needed to actually follow the IEP - the teacher couldn't just do what she wanted. A few key phrases I used that seemed to be effective:
- You are setting her up for failure. By telling her to "do as much as you can yourself before you ask for help" you are requiring that she work to the point of failure before she is provided the needed support to allow her to access the curriculum.
- No, it is not up to her to have to ask for help. It is up to the adults to be the adults and determine in advance how to support her so she has the ability to access the curriculum.
- DD is in second grade - she does not want to stick out as being different. It is totally inappropriate to require that she raise her hand and point out her differences in front of the rest of the class in order to get the supports she needs and is entitled to in order to access the curriculum.
- The teacher doesn't get it. I realize that she thinks she is helping DD by encouraging her to become more independent. But it doesn't work that way. She is entitled to these accommodations in order to be able to fully access the curriculum. [followed by an explanation of how the amount of mental energy needed to focus on hand writing takes away from her ability to actually focus on the content of what she is writing]
I followed all of this up by stating "Mark my words - all the progress we have made in the past few months is all being undone. If you insist on setting her up for failure instead of helping her to succeed DD is going to totally lose it sometime in the next few weeks." That was on a Tuesday. On Friday DD had a total meltdown. She just stood in the corner crying and repeating over and over "Just leave me alone" anytime one of her safe people approached her to try to calm her down. The following week we met with the superintendent. She asked very pointed questions about what was required by the IEP vs what the classroom teacher was actually doing and was not at all pleased by what she was hearing. A few days later the classroom teacher was ordered to "follow the IEP to the letter." I guess our arguments were effective.
We have an IEP meeting next week to *finally* discuss implementing the recommendations of the Assistive Technology evaluation. Part of me is very concerned that they will go on the offensive to try to undo some of what we have in place. I am prepared to show the work DD produces with and without the support of her para. There is no comparison - the work speaks for itself. So be sure to keep lots and lots of good examples. For DD left to write on her own is a few illegible words. When scribed she writes 3 page stories in response to similar prompts...
