No wonder I'm struggling with this one ... there are valid thoughts on all sides, aren't there? Thanks for all the replies.
DeeDee - love the rules, and I think that might go a long way to helping. And it takes the whole nuance issue that is a bit beyond him at the moment.
Yes, he was horsing around and shouldn't have been. Yes, it was disruptive, and yes, the teacher had a right be annoyed about having to deal with it. But she did sign up to teach band to mid-schoolers, so I don't think she was expecting adult behavior. And when she reprimanded him, he was contrite and owned it.
For me, the real struggle is how much my kid has to change to fit into a mid-school teacher's expectations of normal and acceptable and how much I push back because I realize he will NEVER be their brand of normal and shouldn't have to feel bad about himself continually for not navigating every social rule, especially when they are confusing even to some adults.
