Here's what a lot of posters here have discussed trying to adapt to
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....0659/Nurtured_Heart_Approach_in_a_N.htmlIt's called "Transforming the Difficult Child; the Nurtured Heart Approach."
It's been described as a "Super Parenting" technique. It very much makes the parent responsible for setting the kids up for success -here's one difference- in our eyes and in their own eyes.
I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think if you're trying something that's worth doing there's going to be a learning curve. Also, here's a chart of gifted personality types and the best ways to reach them:
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10114.aspxAlso, here's some phrases I've heard. See if they fit she has "high sense of entitlement", and she's good at "lawyering". Just telling her "stop" doesn't change the way she thinks. (the way you think turns into the way you act). But even kids with big thoughts don't think about how they're acting all that often - it's just not that interesting to think about. Soon enough she'll make that change where she thinks about how other people see her (not you so much of course). Then later she'll be completely grown and think a lot about how she acts and what it means. And trust me, it's a much less interesting thing to think about.
