Hang in there, MOM2KC! My son is 6-years-old and has problems with controlling and transitioning from one activity to another. He doesn't throw tantrums, but he definitely digs his heels in. His teachers at school tell me that he hates leaving a preferred activity to do something else. He loves to be in control of everything. I don't think that's different from any child, but everything he does is bigger and better. LOL
We use a combination of time-out, taking privileges away and positive reinforcement. We've found that giving positive reinforcements work much better for him. He has a little chart, and when he does something the FIRST TIME HE'S ASKED (rather than the 8th time) he gets a sticker. When he gets a row of stickers he earns a privilege...something he really enjoys doing. We saw results immediately. He doesn't always do things the first time he's asked, but when he's reminded of his chart he usually snaps to it. We really made a big deal out of it in the beginning. Everything he did the first time he got a sticker. He loves all the positive reinforcement he gets from it. We got this idea from studies of kids with behavioral issues and it's worked really well for him. I don't know if this would work for your daughter, but it's definitely worked for our son.
Good luck!
