Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Recommended Resources Nurtured Heart Approach in a Nutshell

Here's a link to a short interview with Howard Glasser about how he developed the Nurtured Heart Approach.

http://www.iam-u.org/index.php/howard-glasser#more-189

Love and More Love,
Grinity

What a cool interview, Grinity--thanks for posting!

Tks for this, Grinity. Will be listening to the podcast.

The NHA approach is doing wonder for DS and I!

Thanks for posting this Grinity. Today was one of those days that I wished I could of taken back much of what I said trying to get my child to think more about others.

I have been saying for years, I know we give too much attention to negative behavior in my family. I'm not sure what keeps getting in my way of this change. I'm wondering is this easy for everyone?

Do you really just ignore everything negative? And then the negative behaviors stop?

i did really well using nurtured heart approach about a year ago with my daughter. I think it is hard to do it "all"... but for us we saw dramatic improvements doing things we knew we could do consistently, then building from there. For example, we now always use the time-out method described in the book.. after years of huge fights just trying to get her to GO to time-out.. i can now just turn my head away from her and she KNOWS she is in time-out and must make a sincere effort in order to get out of it..It is so powerful.

But i also wouldn't say that ignoring negative behaviors just make them stop... that almost sounds like you should act like you don't care and they will stop. This reminds me of my own family where my parents just "gave up" and things defintiely did not get better, but worse.. So that is not the answer.

I think a better way to desribe the approach is to neutralize things to the point where your child does not see that he/she is "getting to you". But definitely there must be consequences - we use the time out i described earlier.. Then replace the void you've created (since the old behavior fulfilled a need in your child) with lots of interest and attention at other times.

For us it really wasn't hard.. we had one bad day when we first started doing it because she was so shocked that we'd changed the game. I now know that it was a good sign- called an "extinction burst" where she was basically testing whether she could be so bad that the old reaction from us would come back.. but since we were very strong it went away quickly.. and the next day the improvements began.
irene

We also have recently started using the NHA and love it. A lot of it is changing the parents behavior instead of other techniques that tell you how to change your child's behavior. I enjoyed this interview! Nan

I can borrow the video from the library but thought I would get one of the books by Glasser. Does it matter which book I start with?

If you read 'Transforming the Difficult Child' make sure it's the 2008 version, the early one is just too early. Also - Glasser is super 'against' medication, particularly in his early career, so take that with a grain of salt, ok? The video might be from the early days - so be careful - the 'time out' - called 'Reset' is much better now than in the video.

OTGmom - since your kids behave well, I'd start with "All Children Flourishing: Igniting The Greatness of Our Children"

For parents with their hand 'really full' I'd start with Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook: An Interactive Guide to The Nurtured Heart Approach. It's meant to be a workbook, but I think it does well on it's own.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Wanted to flesh out more on what I like about NHA- it's the only programme that leaves me and my son optimistic and positive. Truly, looking for what my son has done right and saying it is slowly changing my mindset into a more happy one.

In the last several years, because I find myself having to out talk my first class debater, I've become more insistent, negative, and even harsh just to get my point across. I'm hopeful that the NHA mindset has put a stop to this spiral. Of course I've already slipped up, but I've seen my son react very positively, so I'm determined to climb back on again.

It's a long slippery road, but I'm motivated.

[I have the "really full" variety, so I did indeed start with the Workbook.]

A local NTA teacher talks about 'Inner Authority' - a way to withstand the insistent, nagging, lawyering energy that comes our way and stay sure of ourselves without increasing the volume or falling out of a loving tone.

It's not mentioned in the Nurtured Heart written material, but everytime you resist the bait, and stay confident, mentally pat yourself on the back for staying in your 'Inner Authority.' Resetting ourselves to greatness is what it's all about.

LOve and More Love,
Grinity