I'm jumping in late here so I'll just respond to the first post like Dottie.
I have turned this question over in my head so many times! I still don't know what the exact goal is, but I do want my kids to have good self esteem and be happy while trying to achieve their potential, even if they don't reach it fully right now. For my DD6 that may look different than your DS5, and I suspect that it might. My DD6 would be miserable in a school that required that much homework. When she gets home at 3:20 or so from kindergarten, she's so tired. She enjoys playing with her sister or having some down time, and then several afternoons a week we have other activities like piano or gymnastics. We make time for reading and playing together, then we have dinner, bath, and go to bed. She's still so young, and I imagine that she would quickly become so turned off by the 2 hours of homework (or even 1 hour of homework) that she would dislike school, which is what I don't want at this young of an age. Right now she loves to learn but worksheets are her least favorite activity about school.
She goes to a regular public school kindergarten class and has loved it this year. I don't think she's reaching her full potential this year, especially in math, but she is learning things that I wouldn't think to teach her (she really enjoyed the Texas unit), and her reading and writing skills have really improved. She reads pretty much everyday in a reading group that's now at 3rd grade level for fiction and at 2nd grade level for nonfiction, so she's with her "peers" from her class for reading. She feels really good about herself and has friends. And for her, who is someone who gets anxious easily and is very self critical, I think a little boost in her confidence has meant more this year than being pushed to her potential. As for next year, though, I think a little more push is needed, so we may have to make some changes. It will all depend on her teacher, though. I'll have to keep my fingers crossed!
I know you've talked with some other parents at the first school but do you know them well enough to get a feel for how the kids actually like it? Do any of the kids have a similar personality as your DS? How does he like to learn? My DD6 loves doing projects and doing more active learning still (don't we all, though?) as well as the opportunity to explore topics more in depth. Plus, she's a visual-spatial learner. My point is that every child is differnt, and you know your son best. As Grinity asked, how was his processing on the IQ test? My DD6 was about 75%ile on the WPPSI, and it still shows that her hands don't keep up with her ideas. Doing intensive writing right now leads to frustration for her; what's that like for your son?
Dottie's so right: you need to decide what your goal is for your DS. If it weren't for the homework, the first school may be ideal for him and his personality. And with his ability, it sounds like it may not be so much a question of whether he can do the work but whether he'll continue to enjoy it.
I hope this helps a little. I know you've already gotten some great advice. I wish you the best through this process!
