I the bullies in upper elementary school are often the most popular kids in school, that those kids bully in order to fit in, to be part of a group, to define themselves as insiders. The report said that teachers often dislike the victims of bullies, since they tend to be withdrawn and moody.
I was shunned in 4th, 5th and most of 6th grade. It was pretty clear to me that one way (not the only way) to be popular was to bully other kids. I finally found a friend in 6th grade, and it was like heaven on earth. Those were long years, but I learned so much about being strong, relying on myself and being compassionate, that I wouldn't trade a minute of it.
I remember that when I was pregnant with DS, I tried to talk myself into believing that it is normal for upper elementary kids to not yet have enough compassion for others to resist the 'low hanging fruit' of the short term benefits of bullying other kids, and if my future kid chose to be 'popular through meanness to others' that I would have to find a way not to despise him for it.
Then he was born, and I saw within the first few years that he had the capacity to have compassion for others, and I knew that there was no way I could be ok with him doing that set of behaviors. I didn't know what 'gifted' was, or that he was 'different' than other kids his age, he just seemed 'human' to me, in a way that my peers in upper elementary school didn't.
As it turned out, he's had his ups and downs socially,his moments of kindness and his moments of cruelty, but he was pulled to try out that social power thing on adults, not his agemates, for which I am grateful.
Grinity
