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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,691 Likes: 1
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,691 Likes: 1 |
Thanks for the back up. For reference, there is that book, "So Sexy, So Soon" that is out there talking about my fears.
The most scary thing they mention is that 1 in 3 girls will experience sexual abuse, mostly by friend of relative, because they thought "they wanted it" or "they liked it", they think is the result of making our little girls into more sexualized objects. They are not pretty enough without makeup, they have to make themselves "hotter"... for whom? Who are they wearing the make up for? Unless you keep looking in the mirror, you don't see it.
Saw Bobbi Brown interviewed on the news recently. She was asked what do you do when you wake up and feel yukky. Her reply: "go exercise". Not to put some lipstick on or concealer.
Especially with that beautiful 5 year old skin. It is so soft and flawless and her green eyes would be hidden with stupid shadow.
They have push up bras and thong panties for 7 year olds now. Is that next? If they have already done the make up thing.
Ren
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,085
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My daughter is almost 20, and when she was 3 the phone calls starting rolling in with requests from local modeling studios to have my daughter model, try out for TV commercials, etc. I said no. I had one mother yell at me because of my refusal to let my daughter participate and for the opportunities I was keeping her from, but it was a choice I made as her mother because I thought that it was best for her as an individual. Same here in that we had many an offer for commercial work but out and out refused for the same reasons of not wanting DD to lose her childhood. We still get comments and offers but would never consider putting my child down that path.
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,299
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I was glad to see this article touched on the impact advertising is having on our kids: http://www.newsweek.com/2009/03/29/generation-diva.htmlIt's been estimated that girls 11 to 14 are subjected to some 500 advertisements a day�the majority of them nipped, tucked and airbrushed to perfection. And, according to a University of Minnesota study, staring at those airbrushed images from just one to three minutes can have a negative impact on girls' self-esteem. "None of this existed when I was growing up, and now it's just like, in your face," says Solomon, 30. "Kids aren't exempt just because they're young." by David Elkind, is well worth reading on this subject. The author clearly distinguishes being hurried from accelerating to meet intellectual abilities. http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/elkind.htmPromotion of intellectually gifted children is simply another way of attempting to match the curriculum to the child's abilities, not to accelerate those abilities. Accordingly, the promotion of intellectually gifted children in no way contradicts the accepted view of the limits of training on development, nor the negative effects of hurrying. I limit my dauthers' exposure to ads and shows like Hannah Montana to keep this at bay. Of course this makes them even more asynchronous compared to their peers. I'm amazed to see parents rail about schools expecting too much from young kids but are fine with them watching what are essentially pre-teen soap operas. 
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Joined: Jul 2009
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At 6 my DD was invited to a girl's clothing store birthday party. The plan was the girls would get makeup done and bring some home in a gift bag. I declined the offer. I felt this was too commercial of a place for a party and rushing makeup. My DD had no problem with my decision and seemed to understand. I really expected her to not understand, but once again she impressed me with her maturity.
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Joined: Aug 2008
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Thanks for the back up. For reference, there is that book, "So Sexy, So Soon" that is out there talking about my fears.
The most scary thing... Ren - 1st, the disclaimers: 1. I have a ds6 not a dd6, so I am not in your shoes. 2. I was a tomboy all the way and don't know what I would do with a "girly girl" (no offense intented to anyone) OK, now the comments. I can see how the "growing up fast" is worrisome. Especially for girls. In your post you mentioned fear a few times. I have read elsewhere (and her too) that parenting from a place of fear can be limiting for parent and child. so maybe multiple approaces are needed? 1. how to deal with your fears 2. how to help your daughter deal with make-up and adult trappings 3. more? what do you think?
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 683
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Wren, my girls are a little older than yours (8 & 10). I think that you should stick to your guns. I have limited our kids to wearing makeup for performances (dance and theatre). I do allow them to get make up at parties if that is the theme but make it clear that it is just for parties. I do let them play with body crayons but these tend to be used more for drawing pictures like face paints. Over the years, I have prohibited certain toys that I found offensive, like the Brats dolls that were popular a few years ago. I've always explained my reasons to them, i.e. the Brats dress like prostitutes. We've also had lots of discussions about tattoos and body piercing (Don't you think that "Tempting" tattoo will seem silly when she's 80?) we've talked about how ridiculous it is for some people in their classes to be "dating" at this point. I have told them that I don't know anyone who married someone who they met in high school, let alone grade school. My girls still think that boys are gross and squeal with disgust if there is even chaste kissing in a movie. Have my boundaries helped with this? who knows but I have no regrets.
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Joined: Jun 2010
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I don't know anyone who married someone who they met in high school, let alone grade school. Maybe that's a regional thing? My parents met in junior high. I know lots of people who met in high school and married (with varying degrees of success, but that's true of people who met later in life). I personally am not a fan of grade-school "going steady," or permanent body modifications (including ear piercing and other mainstream body-mods) to the bodies of people who aren't competent to give truly informed consent, or Bratz. But having grown up as the kid who was expected to conform to my parents' (extremely non-mainstream) norms, rather than my peer's norms, for my own kid, I permit a great deal in the name of peer conformity. That said, I was slightly appalled when my SIL took DD7 birthday shopping, and in addition to getting her nail polish (which I have no issue with), also asked if she was allowed to wear makeup "out of the house," because if she was, SIL would have gotten her some eye makeup.
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Joined: Sep 2009
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I remembered this Denver Post article from a few years back and found it online. Here is the quote that stuck with me: One of my daughters and I were riding the street car in Berlin, Germany, when I noticed we had entered an area where prostitutes solicit openly. My then 7-year-old daughter was enchanted by one of these women, who had very long hair and wore thigh-high vinyl boots. "Mommy," my daughter sighed reverently, "she's so pretty. She looks just like a Bratz doll." Read more: Sending the wrong messages - The Denver Post http://www.denverpost.com/search/ci_5447340#ixzz0zXwFyyJt
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Joined: Jul 2010
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She discussed the whole shortening the band of childhood, which shortened the band of other experiences which, in her opinion and research has led to the middle school sexual experience, mostly friends with benefits. I have yet to meet a parent who thinks it will be their kid who goes that way because of their actions. I do not know what I can do or can't do to prevent or divert her from this type of experiences, but she stressed about doing things that make them older than they are, like make-up. I feel like such a loser mom reading that everybody else is trying to subtly discourage this early activity. �Knowing �how his both parents were, he's more likely to be choosy and monogamous than promiscuous, but I will bet that he finds a girlfriend as a teenager that's going to be compatible with for a while and I think I know what's going to happen. �I'll bet nature follows it's course without Hannah Montana spelling it out for them. �But that's just my kid's genetic legacy. ��I have just been talking to the hubby that this is one of my biggest fears that my boy gets a girlfriend pregnant too young and cuts off so much opportunity for his future. �I told him he it's funny we were just talking about how much this worries me the other day and now it's being discussed here (kind of), but I wasn't joining this conversation because I don't have a daughter. �But if #2 turns out to be a daughter I think I'd be twice as fervent with my message, "protect yourself at all times, like a boxer". � The other part about being victimized is �a whole different story. �I don't know about that. �Karate lessons and teaching them to run away and tell. �When they're older reminding them that no means no.
Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,691 Likes: 1
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You make your choices/rules as parents and you do the best you can do. And if you are consistent, hopefully they will ingrain the message. I know I did with my mother ideas. She told me sex can be really good but a woman gets pregnant. So get through college and get a job and then have sex. And I did. Waited 2 weeks after I got that job, but it made sense to me and it was ingrained.
We keep teaching DD, who is now 5 turning 6, that tattoos are such bad art that no one would hang it on their walls, yet people put it on their skins forever. What kind of thinking is that? Hopefully we will not go through another tattoo trend anytime soon.
And I hope people stop giving her make up.
Ren
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