Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Sex Ed discussions

How and when did you discuss with your gifties the whole sex thing?

Let me share my dilemma - because everyone else thinks that I am making it up, he is too young, and clearly cannot understand this, let alone ask about it.

Aiden is 4, and has asked about how babies get into mom's tummy. He knows that moms have eggs, and that dads have special liquid that mixes with the eggs and starts a baby, but he has very specifically asked how the dad gets the liquid to the eggs.

Is he too young? should I do the scientific/biological approach only? anyone got any book ideas I can share with him? any advice?

He's absolutely not too young (and IMHO this is so regardless of giftedness). A book DS loved at that kind of age is the - hilarious, but positive, frank and conversation-provoking -
Mummy [or Mommy, depending on which edition you buy!] Laid an Egg

I think whenever a kid asks is when s/he is old enough to be told the truth. My son is 8 and just asked for details this year. We told him about the egg several years ago...but it took him this long to think to ask how it actually gets fertilized. I took the opportunity to discuss condoms (I called them a special cover) as a necessity when he is old enough. That got into a whole discussion of whether it was a law to wear a condom (should be, ha ha) and I said no, but it is my law for you!

So we are doing it a little at a time. There is no big talk, no major discussion, just me answering questions as they come up.

I'll disagree and say he IS too young.

My DD6 is aware that parts of the mommy and daddy mix together to produce a baby. And since her aunt had just delivered a little girl and she had expressed concern over her aunt's belly being torn, I did inform her that the baby comes out of the mom's pee-pee.

Further questions are typically deflected with, "You're not ready to learn about that yet, we'll talk about that when the time is right." Since we're typically very good about answering her questions, she accepts that.

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=pd_sim_b7 This is part of a longer series of books. It is recommended for ages 4-8 - big span and of course it will depend on the family. This is not a book for people who prefer to avoid giving their kids information, but if you are comfortable with biological information we found this series to be a good one.

Opinions will vary but I come down strongly on the side of providing information. Sex is an important part of life. Being evasive can give kids the message that sex is something that is shameful and that you aren't a reliable source of information. Too many kids rely on peers (or the Internet) for information and when that happens you've lost the opportunity to be a source of influence. If you want your fourteen year old to talk to you - answer your four year old's questions.

There can be real problems when kids only know euphemisms for body parts. It makes it difficult for them to communicate accurately when they are having a pain or another physical problem to ask for help.

My son had been sort of skirting around the question for a while about the time he turned five.

At a trip to the zoo, I pointed out a coupe of turtles that were mating. I took the opportunity right then and there, and it was very easy and non-embarrassing. I pointed out that all mammals, bird and reptiles mate this way.

Last week we saw some butterflies mating, and I had the same conversation with DD5. She could not have been less interested.

Anyone have ideas on how you explain things and also suggest they do not explore this...?

Seriously, can't you imagine telling a young child how the sperm gets to the egg and in a playdate these little kids start experimenting?

One of my friends in high school tried to model some porn film he found (and viewed) with one of his female friends when he was five or so.

So, it does happen.

One of the strangest stories someone's ever related to me, to tell you the truth.

Yeah, these kids are going to experiment with what they know whenever they know it. If they're missing a vital piece of information, it means the experiment will not be a complete success... which is kinda the point. Ignorance is a form of protection, until their judgement has advanced to the point where they will (hopefully) make better decisions. You simply cannot expect a child of that age to think through the potential consequences.

Besides, until the hormones take over, kids are pretty much non-sexual beings, and we should let them enjoy that for a little while. Sex complicates everything.

Apparently, the whole "<opposite genders> are ICKY!" phase of development has already vanished, because my daughter reports first-graders habitually kissing on campus. Not a surprising development, when kids are being bombarded by sexualized messages. So when a parent says, "You're not ready for this," that's a good counter-argument to what the culture is telling them. It says slow down, all in due time, and for now just enjoy being a kid.