Grinity,
Thanks for the comments. Yes I have read "The Organized Student" We use many of the suggestions at home including the accordion style folders for a variety of needs. However, so far his school will not let him use any of the helpful suggestions because it isn't the way they do things and he needs to WANT to be organized and then it will happen. Like magic I suppose...
Yes, the school is aware that he is emotionally upset about his problems. Since he does not show the behaviors in school, the implication I have received is that he is playing on our sympathy and we are enabling him. Hence the comment that we are our child's problem.
Gurrrr. Bad School! Is there a sympathetic doctor-type you can get a note from explaining that your parenting is good but the school's system is bad?
Sometimes (but not reliably) I have been able to make headway with the schools understanding that it isn't a motivation problem this way.
Me: 'By watching my son's behavior, it looks to you like he isn't motivated, right?'
Them: 'Yes, exactly!'
Me: 'And you'd say that cash was a pretty strong incentive?'
Them: 'oh yes!'
Me: 'Well last week I offered him 20 dollars a day for each day of perfect behavior over the week. Do you want to guess how many days he earned his reward?'
Them: 'We are well aware that he forgot his homework 3 days last week.'
Me: 'Do you still think that a lack of motivation is his main problem?'
Them: ((squirm)) 'Well he has an IEP that says ....... so of course motivation isn't his main problem. Haven't we been trying to tell you that?'
Me: ((poker face)) 'Yes,of course ((smile)) tell me more.'
It sounds like the school is being pretty nasty to you, and I would love to see you have some alternatives or some other athority figure on your side, even just a friend who owns a suit. Humans are human, and if blaming something appears easier than doing something, we will often take the course of least resistience. Just don't be suprised by any sudden favorable changes and be ready to move positively when the time is right.
Love and More Love,
Grintiy
