Since Grinity Asked�.
Executive Function and Middle School:
Let me start by saying that I fully understand and support the need for people with great executive function skills. In my daily job, I am the back office support for 5 sales people. My job is to make sure all the t�s get crossed and all the i�s dotted and everything works out nicely in our little world. I am not naturally organized or a detail oriented person. My teachers would scratch their heads to see me in this job. So from personal experience, I know it is possible to train myself to manage executive function skills.
However, I am not convinced at this time that my son will be able to master these skills before he gives up on himself. Middle School is a tumultuous time. Lockers, hormones, voice changes, multiple teachers not to mention the changes in social interactions are enough to make my mind spin. I do not know how the teachers and students survive. My son could probably be nicknamed the Pigpen of Paper trailing a field of paper debris from class to class. His once neatly organized class binders not are broken (and replaced, and broken, and replaced�) The papers are crumpled, jumbled and torn if not lost in the ether of the Middle School. Homework assignments that his father and I know were in the correct binder and in his backpack before he left for school never reach the teachers. He has detention for missing homework and A�s for tests and quizzes.
This child of ours has an IEP that says he needs help with organization and that he cannot at this time demonstrate the same level of executive function as is expected for his age. We asked that he be allowed to carry 1 binder instead of 6 to class each day. The core teacher team felt this was enabling his problems and that they hoped he would want to be like the rest of the students. DS is articulate and charming. He is socially pretty darn well adjusted for what he has been through in his life. DS has no time sense, cannot recall where his shoes (substitute anything mundane item) are. Remember to brush his teeth, wash his face or comb his hair. He really can�t remember where he put his homework even when it is in the same spot in his folder everyday.
His father and I try to make him understand that doing his homework is not enough. Turning it in is required to follow the rules and earn the credit. We all know that for the most part the homework is not required for learning the material. BUT, it is required as part of his job at school. He tries. He tries really hard! But, the Social Studies binder explodes on the way to class. He grabs the papers in a rush not to get in trouble for being late to class again. By the time he gets to class, the papers that aren�t missing, are jumbled, crumpled and in a mess. DS frantically goes through them hoping that this time he can find the homework assignment before the bell rings so he doesn�t get detention for missing another homework deadline.
This child of ours learns things almost before the teacher starts talking. He adds in great discussion dialog and his eyes gleam as his mind races to make connections between ideas and concepts. The challenge of gathering, processing and connecting information makes him come alive. He remembers everything except the mundane day to day requirements.
The school is trying to teach him organization and accountability through keeping each class binder in a different format and with a homework policy that punishes the child both with a negative grade and detention (6 missed assignments across all core subjects) and removal from extracurricular activities and school assemblies (9 missed assignments across all core subjects.) In theory, it is a good policy. The negative consequences should be severe enough to get the students to turn in the homework.
In reality, my son is exhibiting many signs of stress from headaches and stomach aches every morning, to uncontrolled shaking when it is time to get on the bus. After school, he is moody, angry withdrawn and tired. Any mention of school sparks an emotional outburst. However, he does his homework without argument, puts it in the binders and into his backpack. So far this quarter he has missed 4 homework assignments. The marking period ends the end of January.
Last Spring, my husband and I went to a Diamonds in the Rough conference about gifted but executive function challenged in Washington, DC. Sitting there, we both started to really understand our child better. He is not lazy, unmotivated, challenging authority or uninterested. He is doing his best, trying hard and failing at the executive function tasks assigned by the school. I am not going to fight with DS about the missing homework. He is stressed enough, he does not need his father and I adding to it. We do have calm discussions about how he feels and what he thinks will help. We recently bought different binders that he thinks will make a difference. I don�t think they�ll help, but maybe the confidence he has that they will work will make a difference.
After several years of discussions at the school, I am tired of hearing the following:
Your son isn�t the worst we�ve ever seen, all he needs is some help (defined by setting punishments rather than support) and he�ll get his act together.
Your son is still an A student so why are you bothering us? He just needs to get organized and we�ll teach him that with our programs.
How can such a bright child not understand the classroom rules on a neat desk and turning in homework that isn�t torn and crumbled if it is turned in at all? He needs to learn to conform.
Your son is a delight to have in class if he just could keep all of his items within his personal space.
You are the problem with your son. If you would spend as much time working on getting him to follow our rules and procedures as you do on telling us he needs special treatment, he would have no problems in school.
There are 2 wishes his father and I have for our son. First that he live a long and healthy life. Second that he is content with his life and able to be a self sufficient, productive member of our society. Our challenge is how to help him get there.
