That is a tough one. I think it's important to realize that all kids lie at some point, and that creative lies and/or what may be called 'gaming the system' are signs of an intelligent kid.
At this point, since you seem to not be able to communicate the idea to her that it's wrong, I might consider treating it as a joke. When it becomes apparent that she has gamed the system, get a big grin on your face, say "Why, you!...", tickle her, or whatever. Communicate to her clearly that you understand what she's doing, at least. She may be proud that you've recognized her big accomplishment! But I don't see that as a problem. And at that stage of linguistic development, she may not be ready for a higher-level moral idea.
It was partly to encourage an early awareness of such stuff that I strongly encouraged early language development in my 4-year-old son. I wanted him to have a large vocabulary early (signs were that he was developing one anyway), so I used to do lots of in-passing language drills, every day when I had the chance. In my case my kid starting learning and asking questions about morality, death, etc. early partly because of that (which enabled him to), partly because I exposed him to complex stories involving such themes early on to get him thinking, and partly because bright kids ask lots of questions and those things were in his universe. So when the topic came up, I was able to give him input.
I don't really remember where my son was at 17 months old. Although I might have been able to explain concepts about lying to him at that stage, with or without a large amount of effort, I don't know what effect it would have had. I don't think I was worrying about such things at that particular period. In your case, if you try and just can't get the ideas across, I wouldn't worry. You're not raising a little criminal, just a bright kid. And in a matter of a few short months I think it will sort itself out, with the advance of her language skills.
My four-year-old lies every now and then, to this day. We caught him cheating at a couple of games, which had me angst-ridden for a while before I figured out how to address it. We considered that to be serious. On the other hand, sometimes we treat small lies in a different way. It makes a difference to us whether the lie or dishonesty is to take advantage of someone else, is excessively sneaky, etc. If it's a lighthearted, fabulous story without any attempt to gain unfair advantage, my own approach has been to say with a faint smile something like, "Wow, that's a great story! How do you account for [fact that makes the story clearly impossible]?"
Lack of cooperation, breaking unwritten rules, is an example from my recent memory with him. We were playing Warcraft 3 together, on the same team against some computer opponents. I had spent some resources preparing a trap to kill off some creatures guarding a couple of rich gold mines, which you need in the game. These mines were right next to my starting town, and he knew that I was going after them. Well, after I had spent some soldiers attacking the creatures, weakening them, he swooped in with a stronger army and claimed both gold mines. He said, "What? Those are the rules! If you are the first to build a town near a mine, you get it!" He stuck firm to this even after I asked him to give me one mine and take the other. I grinned and bore it. Part of me felt like I had to give him credit.
But then, soon after, I decided to spend a lot of more resources to kill off some wendigo monsters guarding a mercenary camp, which if conquered gives one the chance to hire monsters to join one's army. My plan was to get the monster mercenaries, then go conquer another mine. This time, my son waited patiently with a small force just out of my eyesight range (I was playing on a smaller-resolution screen and he knew it), until I beat the entire team of guard monsters. Then he quickly marched to the mercenary camp and hired all the monsters for himself.
At that point I had to have a conversation with him about the nature of cooperation, what it means to be a team player, how one's chances are better if the team flourishes (not always but usually true), etc. It was dishonest from the standpoint of an adult, but he was just maximizing his army's strength, which was a primary goal. I was just struck by the thought that a few years ago I would never have imagined having that conversation with my young boy.
My point with this is not to write a diary entry, but really to say that I think you are in for a rich set of experiences with your little one. Even if you get over this hurdle, it may not be your last encounter with dishonesty. I do agree with you that it's good to teach moral lessons early, but there will be plenty of time, and this one doesn't seem bad-hearted. I think there are some good ideas in this thread to tackle any training consequences.
Last edited by Iucounu; 06/06/10 08:29 AM.
