So I've been thinking about this some more. I think the root of the problem is that she really wants to play in an area that for whatever she just can't at the time. For instance, we had a long flight last week. She was totally obsessed with the airplane bathroom and kept asking to go potty there. Obviously, staying and playing a long time there wasn't realistic so the second we'd leave we'd ask again. We just took her the first time she asked and after that we wouldn't take her again until she had stopped asking after that time and it had been awhile before she asked again (incidentally she was stayed try the entire time).
Especially for first time parents who have a child who clearly smart, it can be very easy to overestimate their overall developmental maturity during the toddler and preschooler years. That can lead to a lot of frustration on both sides. It can lead to parents expecting too much and ascribing negative intent to the child when they can't/don't comply and days can be spent engaged in frustrating power struggles that really don't need to exist.
That I understand and sometimes find myself doing at times. The grandparents seem to be especially bad about this.
As for the potty training thing... not really our idea. We were having such bad tantrums whenever DD needed a diaper change/was wet at 9 months we started to give it a try. We would just put her on at times we knew she had to go (after naps/in the mornings or if she started going her poop face). She picked up on it almost immediately and started either running to the bathroom or signing potty when she had to go. The tantrums cut WAY down. We'd still get a lot of misses depending on her interests (but always got those guaranteed times). However, in the last month or so, she's been nearly perfect and if it's the case where I just take her to her little portable potty instead of the bathroom she almost never asks to go when she doesn't need to. BUT if for whatever reason she take her to the bathroom to go then she'll kept asking to go back but just because she wants to play. I get that the bathroom is interesting because it's restricted but it's not safe for her to play there, especially since one of her first stops in the cat's litter box.
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One thing we've trying to do is use more precise language. So if she asks to go to the bed we ask specifically if she wants to nurse or play. We haven't really seen any changes yet but hopefully soon.
